Born in the Tundra of Minnesota, I have since become a bit of a Gypsy. Currently calling home base the hot sands of Arizona, I do still travel often. Whether the journey is a physical one, or one taken by reading a fantastic book it doesn't matter, the fun is always in the adventure. As always I am an eclectic person that likes a wide array of things and has many passions. Creating, advocating for animals and Mothering just to name a few.

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Dragon power and GOT oh my. I am going to for the most part spare you the it’s been a billion years since I posted on this blog, and bla bla bla. Yes it has been a million years, yes I am working on that but also trying not to beat myself up to much about it and YES I am still struggling with the exact direction I would like this blog to take. I am hoping to get that sorted in the near future, I really am. I have been making good headway on my general game plan and with a little more solid help and guidance I think I will get there.


But let us all take a moment to talk about this final season of GOT shall we?


I mean really the dragon!


Be warned beyond this point spoilers doth lay! So either don’t click on read more, or if you have already, stop reading NOW.






Seriously I will be giving spoilers. You have been warned. I know it has been out forever now but people still fuss. SO I am making sure to be clear.

read more…

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I feel like I edit myself a lot when it comes to my blogs. I know I need to do this in some of them, like my craft blog or the one connected to the area where kids are a lot. I do however try to keep a fair amount of separation between the business that involves kids (see me trying to avoid naming it for the connection issues) and my personal life. It isn’t that I think sex is shameful, or that anything else I do or say is shameful. For the most part (I am human after all) I stand by what I have said and put out there on the internet. I rarely delete things (and even if you do, they aren’t fully deleted so..) because I try to put thought into things before I put them out into the world. Not just because of the permanence of the internet but because of the energy you put out in the universe. It matters. I think if you felt something in that moment and you thought about it before putting it out there, well then leave it as it is. Sure, you may feel differently now, but going through these feelings, phases and everything else is how we evolve and change in life. For me, I tend to use this blog space here as a catch all. Birth of a Notion started out as the birth of an idea of being able to share whatever random crap I felt like.

Yes, I have gone through phases where I tried to focus this blog, make it about one thing or another. Attempted to make it more commercial so I could monetize it. I even tried to make it my version of a mommy blog once, who cared if it was four legged mommy right? Yikes. None of those peg holes worked. Why? Well, because this blog was never intended for that it was intended for my space to be me and just go through life and post what I want. Post what I am feeling, get it off my chest and yes with Saturday Sanc and other things post creative, random things that might not fit in other places. FAN FIC BABY! I still love me some good fan fic! I was happier in general once I realized that I needed to stop forcing it and just roll with it. I may not be the most prolific blogger ever, especially as of late as life takes me down a lot of roads, but I have accepted Birth of a Notion needs to remain about what that notion was originally. Me. Less edited. Me being not as guarded, it is harder than you think.

Even with all of that, I still generally edit myself around sex on this blog. WHY? I write about it. Oh, I write about it A LOT. Dirty steamy shit too, seriously it would make some of you blush and others just nod along. Maybe it is because there are members of my family like my Mom who know about this blog and have access to it, as posts automatically go to my Facebook (I don’t hide my true self generally speaking)? Or maybe it is just because while I am as liberal and free thinking as they come I am still a product of a Puritan society.

I was born, raised and live in a society where men can run around topless and no one bats a lash (please don’t change this!) but if a woman so much as hints at nipple on social media the ban hammer comes down like THAT. It can be about something that has nothing to do with sex. It can be about breast cancer, survival, breastfeeding or just a woman being as she was made. BAD! OMG a nipple! Make it go away! News flash men have nipples too, and lets take a look at things for a second okay. Nipples on women’s breasts have a purpose. Breasts fill with milk when there is a baby growing, baby is born, milk is produced, baby uses nipple to latch onto and drink milk. That is the purpose of breasts and nipples. Nourishing young. Period. ( I am sorry to my sisters out there who can’t breast feed I am not trying to make you feel less then while making my point I promise). It is society and largely men who have sexualized nipples. Yeah ,they can be used during sex. Yes ,they are a point of arousal for many women. No doubt, but at the end of the day that is not what they are actually THERE FOR.

Why do men have nipples?

Like I am seriously asking….hold on a second let’s ask Doctor Google.

Okay, funny when you type in “why do men have…” the first thing that comes up on the auto fill? Yeah. Nipples. HA. So okay good I am clearly not the only one pondering this.

Okay ,so the short basic answer is that in the first few weeks of life boys and girls are the same. So when the basic body bits form, we get the same stuff like nipples. Then when teste’s devlop for boys things change, but the nipples are still there. A slightly more scientific look at it… from Live

During the first several weeks, male and female embryos follow the same blueprint, which includes the development of nipples. However, at about six to seven weeks of gestation, a gene on the Y chromosome induces changes that lead to the development of the testes, the organ that makes and stores sperm and produces testosterone, according to the book “Exploring the Biological Contributions to Human Health: Does Sex Matter?” (National Academies Press, 2001).

After the testes are formed, the male fetus begins producing testosterone at about nine weeks of gestation, changing the genetic activity of cells in the genitals and brain. But by then, those nipples aren’t going anywhere.

So there you go. Nipples boys and girls are the same! Same same same! I mean if anything men have the sexual nipples….So why is it okay for men and not women to show the nipple? Yeah, we all know why, the bottom line is sex. Women are sexual objects and yet we don’t want to talk about sex publicly. Well, screw that. Seriously, just screw it.

Let’s talk about sex. I am not going to run around selling sex on my other business because it is up to parents to talk to their kids. I can only hope more parents start to talk to their kids openly about sex. It shouldn’t be taboo or scary. It is natural. It is natural to enjoy it and it shouldn’t be this thing we have behind closed doors. Talking about sex doesn’t corrupt people. I think we started to have issues with society when sex stopped being okay to think about. Rome may not have been a perfect place and rape has always been a thing we know that okay, BUT it seems to me that it wasn’t as big of a thing and yeah punishments were matching the crime too. Again Rome wasn’t perfect, but they weren’t corrupt because they freely talked about sex and didn’t have any free the nipple issues.

So yeah, I won’t suddenly be brandishing the nipple all over but screw it. I will be talking about sex. Healthy, consensual sex. Unless of course it is an issue that isn’t about that, but well come on use your brain and if you are reading this you likely know me somehow and I try to keep people with brains around. If you know me, love me even and this post offends you. I do apologize that it does, maybe you will wish to not read my blog posts on this blog in the future. Or you can skim the title and first paragraph, I promise I will be upfront about it…as I was with this post. I hope it doesn’t make you think less or ill of me, but if it does that isn’t on me and it will not make me change my mind. I have to be my most authentic self in the spaces I create myself. So accept it or don’t, no worries love and light either way.

Closing for now…but in closing i’ll use some more immortal words about sex.

Sex is natural, sex is good…. 😉

Fair warning the following images might not be safe for work or enjoyed ….. but you don’t see any offensive nipples 😉

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I know I haven’t done Saturday sanctuary in some time, but these days I am even less inclined to do so. Especially after a recent discovery and issue that happened with someone who is a “friend”. To creative types, writers and those who work in mediums that are not the “normal” there are certain things that are held sacred. When a friend tells you about something that are writing, working on and even trust you enough to tell you a little about it and the characters common sense would say you shouldn’t break that trust by being a thief. Of course common sense would also dictate that once you get called on your theft you shouldn’t be a belligerent little jackass about it either.

Well, yesterday I indeed ran into a situation I never thought I would. This very situation that I just talked about, right down to how the confrontation went. Only it was so much worse.

When I confronted this person who says she loves me, calls herself my sister about the theft. I was met with a range of responses that to be honest made my blood boil. Here are just a few of them:

It’s not your name
You can’t own a name
I didn’t use the whole name only part of it
Your acting like I just killed your sister, it’s just a name
It’s just a placeholder
It’s only on a character template
I don’t understand why you’re so bent out of shape
Well, I have changed it now
I’m sorry (stated in the most bland monotone tone you could ever hear… and I’ve heard literally thousands of times)
I changed it so what

There were a great many more and a lot more to the conversation of course, all intended to make me feel like the one in the wrong for daring to have hurt feelings. It is true that it’s not my given name and it is true that without a lot of trouble and legal work you can’t own the copyright to a name, that really isn’t the point. This particular name never in a million years would have been on this person’s radar if it wasn’t for me. It is not a common name it is not smith or Jones or something like that. It was even conceded that if it was not for me this name wouldn’t be known to her.

Most creative types, especially writers will tell you that ideas, and stories are like children to them. When you create a character they can feel completely real and they are like children. So when someone steals any part of them, it is a massive betrayal. Yet another reminder to me that I don’t get to have those feelings. I always have to be the okay one, the one who fixes things for people and never gets upset, hurt or so on. The one who has to prop everyone else up and solve her own things, usually at the same time.

2017 has been a really shitty year for me. Yes, there have been some high points, some fantastic and beautiful things. I could never say there hasn’t been those, but as a whole when you look at 2017 for me it will always be an annus horribilis for me. I have lost so much. My heart is ripped into shreds and I am just holding it, hoping it will mend, praying to all the Gods that it will find a way that I will find a way to stitch even some of it back together. However, the hits keep coming.

I am a forgiving and understanding person. I have been told sometimes that I am too forgiving, to understanding. Willing to look past to much. I am opening my eyes to the fact that this might be very true. I have been told I have a big heart, but if that is true this big heart sees no way to repair itself.

Friendships can take damage, true friendships can be repaired if the work is put into them. If both parties want to have that friendship and want to have what they did. However, I am starting to see that there might be such a thing as to much damage. There might be such a thing in a friendship as a fatal wound. This is not how I have ever wanted to look at things, but 2017 as a year, even now that it is almost over, perhaps especially now that it is almost over is forcing me to see that reality.

I don’t know what to do about it anymore.

I am exhausted with all of it, I am tired of putting other peoples lives back together while mine can come crashing down around my ears without so much as a , “can I give you a hand out of the rubble?” from those I help. Maybe it is selfish of me to expect that. It probably is.

To some what I write here may have you going, “but its just a fictional character name”. True, it is the name of a fictional character, but it is not JUST that. Writers will understand. Especially writers who have ever spent a great deal of time writing for OTHER people and when you share something you are writing for YOURSELF, for you to stamp your name loud and proud on… or at least a formal nom de plume that WILL be yours and yours alone…they will understand this. How this feels, they’ll know why it is more than just a name. So much more.

With everything else that has happened, with the way this whole name thing was handled.. I am afraid this might push that friendship into the land of not able to be fixed. It makes me sad to type that, to say it, to even think it but there it is. This might be the signal that says this relationship should be put out of its misery. That maybe sometimes that is just what happens and with this one, it’s time to end the suffering. Perhaps it stands as the coup de grace for this relationship. Maybe it’s a signal for things to come. Maybe it’s the sign that says this relationship and others do indeed need to be put to rest. I don’t know.

Or maybe I am just stressed and I’ll be told just to get over it. Won’t be the first time. Likely not the last either.

Apologies to anyone who came looking for the Saturday Sanctuary. I am afraid on this cold December day there is no Sanctuary to be found. I have none to give.

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People claim they are trying to be supportive and there for me yet they get all butt hurt when I answer in an honest yet slightly guarded way. Like seriously? Leave me here with my damn comfort food and I will just eat my feelings away thank you. I don’t need any wishy washy support, I need real no strings attached I am here for you even at your worst support. I am sure some reading this will think this is aimed at one particular person but it’s not. It is a clear and honest shot across the bow of all of those in my life who say they are there for me and love me and are my friends and are trying to be supportive and then they snap at me because I don’t meet their expectation of what I should be saying. There is more then one of you and you all know damn well who you are. For the record I can’t help but wonder if those who continue to do this sort of thing ever stop to think perhaps it is the fact that any time an honest less then sunshiny answer is given there is a price for me to pay and I am tired of paying it. So sometimes it is just easier to say, I’ll live which is an alternative and more honest answer then I am fine when obviously I am not.

Over the last two years I have been making a serious work of trying to take back things that were taken from me. Two years before that I started making pushes and efforts to embrace other things. I won’t go in full detail here but for me to accept things and take back things about me has been a long and hard process. Like it is for anyone who goes through it I am sure. For the most part I have made strides towards my goals I feel, and yet I have a long way to go. Sometimes it would be a great deal easier to just be “normal”,  there are so many days that I think if I could just fall into a role that society would see as normal and live in that small box it would be so much easier.

Not that it would make me any happier, of course. Being something you’re not only sets you up for more pain in the end of things. Yet much like the Queen, whom one of my dear cousins has decided to call my alter ego, I was taught what seems like eons ago to conceal. Yes, perhaps it was not the exact same way that Elsa learned and was told to conceal herself. Leading to never ending anxiety.. which of course manifests itself into freezing an entire land in eternal winter. Yet the effect is the same. Once again, I find myself feeling like I said in an early post on this blog. I must always be the strong one, the independent one, the perfect one.



I do have many blessings in my life and I will be the first one to tell anyone that. I am blessed in so many ways. I have love, a roof over my head, food in my belly and clothing to wear. I can even indulge in some hobbies and pastimes when I have actual time to do so and am not working. I know there are so many people who do not have all of these things. There are people in this world who are suffering. I understand that and I try not to be petty. However, because I have these things, does that mean my life is perfect? No, it doesn’t. No life is perfect as no human is perfect. Moreover, the grass is always greener on the other side of the pasture. Just because all some see are the lush green blades of grass doesn’t mean there are not weeds, trouble spots and other unpleasant things to be had.


The beauty of the castle that was created through Queen Elsa’s castle cannot be denied. Many who look at it will only see the beauty and the fact that it is a castle. They will forget that while indeed it is these things it was a fortress from the world. An ice gilded cage in which the Queen could hide herself away from the world. The only way she felt comfortable being whom she truly was meant being completely separate from the world, from everyone even the sister whom she loved. Because she had been taught that to be herself around people was a terrible thing. Being herself meant that she harmed her sister. Being herself meant that those around her who saw the beautiful power she wielded would be scared of her. They would fear that power she was born with, lash out at her because of it. Some small few might covet the power for themselves and trap her even further so they could have her kingdom. Fear and jealousy are nasty things that seem to travel together in a pack finding every weak point in the prey they seek and hitting those weak points as hard as possible. Even the strongest among us will eventually buckle under the strain.



At any rate. I digress and have gone on another long ramble of emotional vomit, apologies to all and sundry who take the time to read it. I really should go back to just putting the happy things of life on the internet. This post when I originally opened the page was intended to make an announcement that I was thinking of bringing my pen/paper/ink reviews back in some form or fashion as J said he missed them. I didn’t think anyone really paid much mind to them back when I used to do them. The last one I did was in 2017, good grief a lifetime ago (and omg the blog design I had on that blog…designed myself so not razzing any designers oh what was I thinking). Alas, things happened as I settled in to write the blog post and this is what we are left with.

I apologize to the readers of this post. Perhaps the announcement will come on a different and a better day.

I am fine.





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This week on Saturday Sanctuary


A very young Loki was walking towards his parent’s chambers and absently rubbing sleepy eyes. He was started out of his sleep and felt uneasy, so he’d crawled out of bed. When he got to their doors, they were open, indicating the rooms were empty.
With a start he realized there must be something happening down in the hall, so he darted that way.


The winged-woman in chains stood before Odin, a permanent sneer on her otherwise beautiful features.
“Lilith, you are herby sentenced to death. Your children and yourself killed many in the attempt to steal life-force from my people.”
The red-haired woman moved a step, the chains singing with her effort. “You killed my children! You killed them because you assumed we were murdering your people!”
Odin stood and pointed at the demoness. “You were found over the body of an asgadian warrior with his blood on your mouth and face, need I remind you!” Beside him, his wife Frigga shivered silently, and wrapped her arms around herself as he spoke.
“Not to mention your demon children have since been found stealing energy from countless others! Many have come forward and said they were raped or given terrible nightmares.”
Lilith sneered. “You know the ways of the Succubi are ancient. We offer pleasures in return for energy.”
Odin slammed his staff and called for silence. “Sorceress you are dying this night, and your children will be hunted down until they are all dead! I shant have my people or my family at risk to your devious natures!”
From behind, Lilith heard small, light footsteps much like her youngest daughter’s. She lowered her forehead, as if in despair, but she actually did so to grin widely with malice. Fools, the lot of them.
The guards had stood off to the sides of her, believing she was well contained by the chains. Metal rings could not hold her, most especially her great wings. They were mistaken to think they could contain her
In the span of an instant, she crouched, channeled her reserve energy, and her wings pumped with her rage. The chains snapped with ease and she directed them easily to the faces of her captors.
Once free, she had less than moments. She spun, caught the shocked gaze of the pale little boy behind her. She knew she was a sight to his little eyes.
Lilith stood, crouched with her wicked leathern wings fully extended and her clawed hands spread out, ready to shred flesh. She grinned at the boy, flashing her fearsome fangs and his jaw dropped and he stepped back with fear.
Then, at the next heartbeat, the demoness shot across the distance. She snatched the boy up with ease and spun around, claws on his neck and wings lethal as they covered her from shots.
She was taking a risk grabbing an unknown child. However, it paid off when she watched the queen hold back a scream and fall to her knees, while even the Allfather himself paled and took a step back.
“My lucky day. A little princeling to escort me out?” She was bluffing, and Odin knew it.
Lilith would never be able to escape with the loss of energy she’d already endured. She had spent too much hiding her most loved daughters before her capture…but she could take a consolation prize.
“What is your name, little dove?” she asked and the shaking boy still raised his chin as best he could.
“Loki, Son of Asgard.”
Lilith allowed herself a genuine smile. “You shall be powerful then. You will have the aid of someone I love one day…in return you will protect her.”
She didn’t wait for his response as she harshly bit into her tongue. When blood flooded her mouth, she bit down on the boy’s neck and he immediately began screaming for help.
“Mama!” he cried, as tears poured from his eyes and his captor forced her blood into his body. It was very primal and old blood magic, but she had accomplished her goal. Her daughters would know what to do with her final orders.
She dropped the boy and let him run away towards Frigga, who had rushed to met him.
Once he was freed, she knew her death was moments away. She began laughing and raised her clawed hands high into the air. “My legacy!”
Frigga tried to shield the boy’s eyes when Odin threw a ruthless attack upon the woman and she burnt under his power. Her dying laughter would haunt Loki for years until they gave him a draught to make him forget…

With a start an adolescent Loki awoke on his bed. He felt pressure on his chest and looked up to meet glowing, red eyes in the dark. He jerked his head to the right, spotted his desk, books and scrolls just as he left them before bed. Knowing that slight comfort, he looked back up to the being.
His eyes acclimated to the darkness quickly and the face of his guest began focusing in around the blood red orbs. A bob of black, curling hair was the first thing he could see, as it transformed from the stark mass surrounding the eyes of crimson.
Loki was graced with the sight of fangs behind a feminine smile. Ah…he thought, with astonishment…A Mara?
“Hello!” said an energetic voice, with a slight accent.”
Loki smirked in the dim light, with his night vision finally at one hundred percent. She was a petite creature, with a seemingly permanent grin and a tiny waist to her slowly blossoming curves. She was a young adolescent to his eyes but he’d read that Mara, a type of Succubi, send their daughters out much younger. Still she was very small for a future as a seductress…
“I don’t believe we’ve met.” Loki said dashingly and she smiled widely, with her little fangs gleaming in the dim light.
“Not at all,” she said and tilted her head. “You’re my first mark ever, to be honest.” She whispered, as if in confidence.
“Mark?” he asked, as he lifted his hands to his head, and relaxed in preparation for some exchange of words.
He had not had anyone actually talk with him of late, besides his mother, Frigga. Occasionally, and fleetingly, his brother Thor would talk with him, though most of their conversations were on training or possibilities to join battles. There was no room for debate or speaking among the Warriors Three.
This little creature of lore was his first physical contact in ages, and he was not about to let her leave quickly. Even if he had to give her energy for the exchange, there was no way this little female could drain him to the point of damage. He would have fun with her.
“I think I should know you.” She said, and shook her head. “We don’t really know our marks but…since I’ve never done this before, what’s your name?”
“Loki Odinson, of Asgard.
“Oh!” she cooed and glanced around with interest, looking upon his room. “I think I’ve heard of you!” she said and looked at him with a wide grin once more. “Well, I’m Nyxet, but my sisters just call me Nyx.”
“Nyx,” he said and smirked. “Sounds like the name of someone who likes to have fun.”
She smiled and opened her mouth to say something, but there was a noise outside Loki’s doors. Nyx jumped and squeaked a little before Loki realized she wasn’t yet into her power to conceal. Without thinking much, he lifted his blankets and she darted beneath.
“Loki,” Frigga was heard through his doors.
“Yes, mother?” he said aloud and a heavy door opened to her face.
“The guards said they heard muttering in here. You aren’t testing spells are you, love?”
Loki smirked at that and shook his head. “No mother, just reciting them. I don’t want to forget what you taught me this week.”
A brilliant smile came to the queen’s face and she shook her head. “You flatterer…well, I’ll tell the guards to leave your room alone my sweet, but do try to get some rest?” at his smirk, she sighed. “Good night my love. Sleep well.”
“I shall mother.” He said and she closed the door once more.
He waited a moment more, before he lifted the blankets and spotted the Mara, curled up by his side. She was so small and young, he wondered if all her kind were so little at that age.
“It’s safe, Nyx.” He said and she unfolded slowly, before looking up at him.
“Sorry…” she said and sat up, shocked at the outcome. “Don’t say anything, please?” she whispered. “If my sisters hear about how bad I’ve bungled this they’ll lose their heads…I’ll have to lie no matter what but that would just be…”
Loki smiled at her and shook his head easily. “Who would I tell anyway, little Mara?”
She smiled in return and scooted forward on her knees, between his ribs and arm. With slightly timid hands, Nyx reached out and grabbed a little bit of his hair. “So, this is the silliest thing…I’m not like some of my more deviant sisters. They tend to um…hurt their victims. I would rather just be a friendly spirit! With maybe a silly or two?”
Loki kept his eyes on her and lifted a brow. “A silly?”
“A um…well, a trick or a joke on someone.”
At hearing that, Loki smirked and nodded. “Do your worst.”
Nyx grinned widely and it lit up her face. “You’re so nice, Loki!” She said and began to muss with his hair. “My sisters don’t let me.”
Over the course of her ministrations, Loki began to feel drowsy and his eyes closed. He’d never felt more relaxed and at ease. Her clawed fingers were surprisingly soothing and each time they scratched his scalp he felt a mild shiver. Eventually he fell into a deep sleep and didn’t wake until mid morning.

As Loki ejected from his rooms, he went straight for the dining hall with eager steps. When he’d awoken that morning, the female of the night before was nowhere to be seen. Because of the lack of evidence, he assumed it was all just a very nice dream. How could a Mara actually visit him? He’d never heard of one in Asgard.
Dream or no, he had actually slept-in long enough to eat breakfast with his family for a change. He knew Frigga would like that very much, so he made a point to get there.
As Loki entered the hall, Thor saw him first. “Good morn, brother…”
When Thor stopped speaking and stared at his brother’s head, Loki frowned and pushed on toward the table. “Mother, good morn.”
“Loki, my…” Frigga’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “My darling, why did you set your hair so?”
Loki sighed as he made to sit down. “I did nothing to my hair, mother. Why do you ask?”
Frigga stood and caught a mirror nearby, and brought it him. Loki’s face dropped and he stared upon his reflection. His hair was set in fine braids, which looked intricate and well done.
“Loki!” she cried and set a hand on his should. “My poor boy, targeted by Mara. At least those are weak and not of the pure Succubi…and those demons are all gone.” She said with an air of dismissal and moved back to her seat. “You are too strong.”
At her words, and her following wink, Loki could not contain his grin. “It will be just fine, mother. I’m sure won’t happen again.” He said and grabbed some fruit and eggs to set on his plate as Thor sat beside him, trying to contain a wide grin.
“You look most fancy today, Loki.” He said and stabbed some sausages before him.
“The crotch hairs on your chin are looking slightly less sparse this day.” Loki retorted and gave him mother a look that said he would watch his mouth. “Sorry, mother…”

As if like clockwork, Nïx appeared on his chest the following night with a pure grin of excitement. He’d spent the day in the library, researching her kind. He couldn’t help but grin at her in return; he’d truly made an impression on her then.
“I assume you didn’t care for my act.” She said. “You know, with your hair.”
“Quite possibly, though that outcome was an issue for my mother. I found it to be a surprisingly solid trick, Nyx. You are not like the others of your kin.”
“So, you’ve had the chance read up on us have you not? You probably know quite a bit.”
“I can teach you much more than you know now.”
At that, she sighed and nodded her head slowly. “I am not the um, not the norm when it comes to my other kin.”
Loki shook his head. “I didn’t mean disrespect, Nyx. I meant that I could be an ally to you. I understand, you know…what it feels like to be the odd one of the family. My father tends to treat me a little differently.”
From her place, perched on Loki’s chest, she couldn’t help but feel a little flutter in her chest. “You’re the baby too, aren’t you?”
“The baby?” he asked, with an irritated look.
“You know, the youngest? The one that no one expects to do anything of importance? Everyone is looking at your older siblings instead.” She said.
Loki knew what she meant, and he felt a bit of a connection with her in that moment. “So, are you supposed to…you know, find male or female victims?”
Nyx blushed and immediately frowned. “We can choose our own direction to take energy. The early years are important, I think, because some of my oldest sisters didn’t have to worry about consciences…my mother was angry in the beginning.”
Loki had pulled Nyx off his torso and she instantly lied much like the night before. They were young and similar souls, so they seemed to know what the other wanted with ease.
When he pinched her side and smirked, she squeaked and pulled her knees up, to curl into his side.
“Tell me about them.” Loki said with a light smile.
“I have some very old sisters who are so powerful. I feel silly around them, like a little girl.” Nyx said and filled with the fabric of Loki’s green silk shirt. “Some of them are as old as my mother now, when she died. Most of them either utilize sexual energy or take from their hosts without any return. I do have two sisters who take very little and give in return…like I did in mussing your hair. I made you sleep.”
“Yet you were sent to me as your first mark?” Loki said incredulously, thinking he felt a little bit honored. She comes from a powerful line…and they sent her to him. He smirked and threw an arm over her side.
Nïx nodded at his question and smiled, feigning innocence. “Well my sisters found your signature and thought you would be a good match for my power blend…which I know nothing of.”
“Now I’m confused.” Loki said, “Power blend?”
“Well, my mother had many victims and few mates, and she chose each of them purposely.” The girl said with a snort. “To be fair she was a pure Succubus. Mother was one of the first and she had many names. Her nature was to seek power and even more powerful mates. She protected nine of us from danger and kept us separate, under heavy guard. Of those mates she chose…I was her last birth before she died.”
She sounded sad, but also at peace. “I’m supposed to be like my older sisters, but I don’t think I want to.” Loki understood her, but he felt that she would be capable of power, if she gave into it.
Something told him he should keep an eye on this one…
“Nyx,” he said and she looked up at him, expectantly. “Come to me when you need anything. If you need to feed, you come to me.”
She smiled brilliantly. “You mean it?”
Loki smirked but felt a bit of jealously at the idea of another person being touched by her. “Yes, I do. If you ever need to feed, in any way, come to me and I will give you all you need and more.”
That was the single most incredible sentence she had ever heard she wiggled a little with giddiness. “Loki, you can be my Schützling.” She said with a thick accent, before she hugged him quickly. “You name it, I shall come to your aid. I swear it!”
When their eyes met, she lifted her claws to his forehead gently, and then slowly rolled them down his face. “Sleep, Loki…” she said, in a voice that encased his mind and lulled him easily.
He woke the next morning, and grinned as he flew into his day and hoped for night to come. Loki went to bed early and waited until he woke the next morning without any sign of Nyx. He did this day after day…week after week…until she never came back.
It was centuries before he ever saw her again, and he had nearly forgotten their fleeting nights of whispers and secrets…

Posted by


‘Your crew is alive’…

Four words – and the world seemed to come to a halt.

For a long moment Khan could do nothing else than to stare at Kirk; shocked. “What?” was all that came over his lips; not trusting his own ears or the captain’s statement.

Jim nodded slowly; realizing that indeed no-one had told the Augment that his crew – his family! – didn’t die in the inferno the exploding torpedoes had caused. Sweet Lord, whether this man was a criminal or not, but he had a right to learn of the fate of his dear ones! Why had had no-one the decency to inform him? To let him think his family was dead while he had been forced back into cryosleep was as cruel as his seek for revenge as he started his attack against Starfleet Command. Had it been a kind of primitive pay-back for his deeds, or had simply nobody been mindful – sensible – enough to tell him the truth?

It didn’t matter which one of the two possibilities was accurate; all Jim knew was that he had to set things right. No-one deserved to grief in vain!

“Your people have never been harmed. They are safe somewhere in their cyrotubes and…” Jim broke off, as the nostrils of the Augment began to flare.

“You. Are. Lying!” his captor growled with new pain in his eyes, and Jim shook his head as far as it was possible with the strong grip around his neck.

“No, it’s true. Your crew…”


“…safe and soundly asleep in the cyrotubes Bones removed from the torpedoes before Spock lowered our shields and you beamed them aboard the Vengeance,” Kirk interrupted him as calm as possible. He noticed that Khan was breathing heavily, while an almost pleading shimmer laid in his look; mingled with hope a fright. Jesus Christ, Jim couldn’t help himself, but just right now he felt compassion for his enemy.

“Listen,” he said calmly. “Bones and his staff removed the tubes and set up a special bio-medical program in the torpedoes, using the recorded bio-signals of your crew to make you to think, you would scan your people. In truth your people were in the Enterprise’s sickbay.” He felt that the long fingers, which still clamped down on his neck, started to tremble. “Your family is not dead, Khan,” he repeated almost gently, as he saw dampness dwelling up in the Augment’s eyes. “They are alive!”

“Your Vulcan…,” the former dictator whispered hoarsely; his usual so quick-working brain processed only slowly the given information; his subconscious too afraid to get a blink of hope only to have it destroyed again.

“I admit, Spock can be a pain in the ass sometimes,” Jim retorted, “but he would never kill 72 innocent people in cold blood. He is a Vulcan after all, raised by the Suran’s doctrines – Vulcan’s reformer several thousand years ago, who taught them…” Kirk became silent as Khan’s hands fell to his side as if all of his strengths suddenly had been drained off him.

“Is… Are you speaking the truth?” The super-human’s voice was not more than a tight croak, while he fought the growing hope in a twisted way of denial to protect himself.

Jim nodded sincerely. “Yes, I swear! I would not lie to you or anybody else about something like this!”

For a further moment the Augment only looked at him, saw the seriousness on the face of the young captain and knew that it was true.

His family…


They were not dead! They were not horrible killed in the merciless detonation of the weapons which should have served them as protection.

The realization hit him with the force of a spaceship thrown in warp and for a moment he began to sway. He tried to regain some control over his raising emotions, but failed miserably, as the first tear rolled down his cheek. He sucked in several needed deep breaths and turned away; seeking a moment of solitude to get a grip on himself.

Jim swept back his short hair, feeling an immense amount of relief – damn, there would be fingerprints on his neck for the next few days – then he watched his nemesis.

Khan had stepped to one of the large windows which reach from the top almost to the bottom, balled his fists and lowered his head; his chest heaved.

They lived…

His family was safe!

Joaquin, Chang, Ann, Paolo, Janine, all the others… They weren’t taken from him! They were still somewhere in their cryotubes; obvious of what had almost happened to them and they had – maybe – a future after all.

He was relieved beyond belief, dizzy with redemption – and with that his emotions got the better of him. The suddenly cut-off tension tore at his inner walls he built up to protect himself; bombarded his schooled mind, shattered his self-control…

Despite the gratefulness towards fate that his family hadn’t perished, another dagger was stabbed into his heart and soul:

The grief, the sorrow, the anguish – all had been for naught!

The agony as the torpedoes exploded and he thought he had lost anyone, who held his heart, had cost him his sanity – if only for several minutes. The blinding pain in his whole being as he ran through the streets of San Francisco, trying to escape the furious Vulcan, and the cold emptiness after he awakened in the prison of Starfleet Command days later had been for nothing. He had been trapped in this swirl of utterly hurt, despair and loss only to learn now that his sorrow was nothing more than a cruel joke.

The feelings were too much to handle them. Even he had his limits.

Jim eyed his adversary carefully; looked for any signal if the Augment would throw another fit, but Khan’s reaction was quite the opposite. He simply stood there – and then a single throaty heart-wrenching wail echoed through the apartment, followed by a suppressed sob.

Kirk swallowed. He had expected many responses from his opponent but nothing like that. And, as he realized, he really didn’t know what to do. Yes, he had no trouble to sooth a damsel in distress, but you certainly couldn’t call that a genetically engineered man who was more dangerous than a collapsing warp core, and therefore Kirk had a really big problem at hand how to go on from here.

His first simply human impulse was to comfort the other one; his rebellious but nevertheless good heart went out to the soul that wailed in long-time hurt. If it would have been Bones, Spock, Scotty or any other one who was close to him, he would had wrapped his arms around him and had held him until the pain went away. But in this case something like this was out of question. As far as Jim was able to analyze the Augment, Khan wouldn’t accept any consoling touches. He was far too proud and too distrusting for something like this.

Still Jim wanted to offer some consolation. No human heart could watch and hear such a display of utter distress and didn’t get moved by it.

And as the super-human pressed a hand over his mouth while his shoulders began to shake, Jim couldn’t take in anymore. Whether a criminal or not, but it was impossible for the young man to witness such misery without doing something.

Walking on quiet bare feet he went to the kitchenette, fetched two glasses out of the cupboard and poured some Scotch in. He didn’t care if his rather unwelcome ‘guest’ liked his whisky ‘on the rocks’ or not; in this case the gold-brown spirit was more medicine than anything else. Jim turned around and in the light of the next flash his eyes were caught by something: His phaser.

There it lay – besides Khan’s heap of clothes. The Augment must had picked it up when Kirk was still trying to recover from his aftermath, and had put it to his own belongings – if these garments really were his’ in the common sense.

Jim glanced back at his enemy. It would be so easy to tiptoe to the weapon, to take it and…

Well, what then? Khan couldn’t be stunned – or, as Uhura once told him – only after being hit over and over again, and regarding the close distance between himself and the Augment he never would be able to render him unconscious before the super-human would reach him. And then Khan would snap his neck. He had no doubt about it.

That only left two possibilities: To set the phaser to ‘kill’ or to do nothing!

Once again Jim looked over to his nemesis and saw that Khan’s legs had given out. He kneeled by the windows, hands on his thighs, head lowered, back rigid – and the shaking intakes of breath was enough to show that the enhanced man was struggling for control.

Kirk swallowed again. If he would have been an usual Starfleet-officer, to whom duty and regulation was something close to religion, he wouldn’t even have second thoughts to do what was necessary. Khan was a sentenced criminal – a murderer – and furthermore he had only come to kill him. Jim had all rights of the world to shoot the man; hell, he certainly would do the universe a favor by doing so – still he didn’t move.

He was no-one who took another one’s life easily or – what was worse – shot an unarmed opponent, even if Khan himself was a weapon. Moreover he knew that the Augment had been wronged several times; that the whole mess last year wasn’t his entire fault. Khan had been driven to the breaking-point that set free his increased fighting-spirit, mixed with the fury of utterly pain.

No, it was impossible for Jim to backstab the Augment like this. His humanity and strong sense of justice didn’t allow it. Even after he lost his mentor because of Khan, Kirk couldn’t bring himself to end the man’s life, who was indeed a criminal in every sense, but not evil. Jim was familiar with the old saying that only the devil doesn’t know love, and if there was one thing you could say about Khan then that he loved his family with an intensity that had no equal.

‘Driven to misdeeds by love – it’s old like time!’ Jim thought and watched his nemesis.

His nemesis who had given him – by the way – the most intense ecstasy only half an hour ago. Well, that shouldn’t affect the captain’s decisions, but still it had a part in it. He was only human after all!

Sighing and hoping that he wouldn’t regret this completely insane and irresponsible choice of action, Jim returned to the shaken Augment and crouched down beside him. One look on the tear-stricken face and he knew that he had made the right move. He never would have been able to live with himself, if he had killed this bundle of wretched emotions. Tensed he watched his adversary, who seemed to don’t know if he should laugh or cry. Jim anticipated what went through the super-human’s head and heart: Immense relief, mingled with an intense release of all the grief he had been through.

The next thunders rolled through the skies; the wind howled between the skyscrapers and rain pelted against the windows, but the raging nature was ignored by the two men, who fought their own storm.

Khan had his eyes firmly closed, while he tried desperately to get his feelings back under control. They were safe! His crew was alive! That was all that mattered now. His own anguish didn’t count – not, when the outcome was something so good like this. He was hilarious with glee, contemporary his soul was bleeding.

Suddenly a stinging, heavy, slightly familiar scent reached his nose and as he opened his eyes he caught the blurry sight of a glass with honey-brown fluid that was offered to him. Rising his head he looked straight at James Kirk, who was beside him. The younger man’s gaze was warily but also sympathetically, and for several seconds both opponents didn’t move, then Khan took a deep, shaky breath, wiped with both hands his face – by all higher beings, that was humiliating! – and found himself accepting the glass.

“Bourbon?” he rasped; already identifying the drink as whisky.

“No, Scotch. A twenty-five-year’s old – a gift from Scotty.”

“Fits,” Khan murmured and nipped at the strong liquor. “An expensive drink for an occasion more precious to me than anything else in this whole, damn universe!” He took another sip; relishing in the spicy, warm taste that enmeshed his senses but had no influences on them.

Perceiving that the Augment indeed was calming down, Jim shifted himself in a more comfortable position, grimaced, as certain sore parts of his body came in contact with the floor, and took another sip of his own whisky. “So… no-one told you?” he asked after a minute and the Augment shook silently his head. “Bloody idiots!” Kirk grumbled, then he stopped short. “Haven’t you seen them when you were put into your cryotube or when you woke up and escaped?”

The blunt question took Khan for surprise. “I’ve been sedated before they sent me back to cryosleep,” he growled. “And as I woke up again there were four close walls and several scientists around me, nothing else!”

Jim stared thunderstruck at him. “Scientists? Which scientists? And why did they wake you up?”

The Augment rolled his reddened eyes. “Come on, think, Kirk! You do have brains, as I have to admit. Why should someone takes me to a high-security underground lab and holds me in semi-coma for months?”

It really took several seconds for the captain, before his mind was ready to accept the obvious answer. “They… they ran tests on you? For months?” He made an agitated wave with his free hand, and the enhanced man’s expression darkened.

“Yes, they took my blood and sometimes skin-examples to extract blood plasma and native cells to test some serums. They also injected me with different pathogens to get antibodies my blood produced or they tested new serums.” His voice was flat and emotionless. To think closer of the last months – of the helplessness, the fear, the pain – would have destroyed his self-control once again.

Jim stared at him; speechlessly. “They used you as a lab-rat?” he finally burst out. “But… But the trial sentenced you to cryosleep! Tests on humans are…”

“Trial?” the super-human scoffed. “What trial?” Before Kirk could reply he sneered: “This trial was nothing but a farce!”


“If you would have bothered to show up during my so-called ‘answering’ you were so eager to put me through,” Khan hissed, “you maybe had realized that your precious Starfleet wasn’t interested in the truth, but to adjudge me as quickly as possible and be done with me!”

“Sorry, but I was a little bit indisposed at the time,” Kirk replied almost sarcastically; still shell-shocked by what he had learned of the Augment’s fate.

“‘Indisposed’ – after everything you went through to give me a ‘fair trial’?” Anger crept back in the deep baritone, while the pale blue-green eyes pierced the captain’s blue ones.

“Does ‘radioactive contamination’ count for being ‘indisposed’ in your opinion?” Jim snapped; irritated by his foe’s ignorance.

This time it was up to Khan to be staggered. “‘Radioactive contamination?'” he repeated astonished. “However did you end up with that?” Mockery began to creep in his gaze. “Have you danced around the Enterprise’s warp core?”

“No, I kicked it,” Kirk responded dryly; making a face.

“You kicked it?” It was clear that the super-human finally doubted Jim’s mind. “Why would you do such insanity?”

“Think!” The younger man hurled Khan’s former words back at him – again, as Khan realized. “The Enterprise took some several serious hits and the warp core had been sabotaged by Section 31. What had to be a consequence of this chain of circumstances?”

The former dictator didn’t even need to think about it: “The warp core was out of control and could only be fixed… manually,” he guessed and Jim nodded.

“Yeah, even worse. It was misaligned and the ships internal power was switched off. The auxiliary power failed, too. The Enterprises was completely without any possibility to navigate. The gravitationally force caught us and the ship and all on board were going to burn in the Earth’s atmosphere.”

Comprehending Khan nodded slowly. “And so you had no other choice than to straighten the warp core device by hand – or feet, like it is.” His gaze roamed intensely over the manly-boyish face of his nemesis; knowing exactly what Kirk had been through being in a room full of radioactive radiations. He had read too many reports about nuclear contaminations and its outcome back in his time, and certainly even in the 23rd century nothing had changed about this kind of deadly forces. “How did you make it out alive?” he asked curiously.

“I didn’t!” Jim said quietly, locking eyes with the Augment.

Khan pursed his lips. “You died – and my blood brought you back!” he stated and watched as the young officer placed his glass beside him on the floor, pulled his knees towards his chest and wrapped his arms around them. “Yeah,” was the only soft reply.

Everything made sense now: Kirk not showing up at the trial, the dark-skinned woman’s yelling that he – Khan – was needed to save the captain, the flaring rage of the half-Vulcan… “Commander Spock,” he began slowly. “He didn’t hunt me down to bring me to justice, but to avenge you.”

“He… What?” Jim blinked bewildered, and the super-human made an affirming gesture.

“He chased me through San Francisco and… showed a very violent tendency after he caught up with me. Only the appearance of your female crew-member who speaks Klingon…”

“Uhura!?” Kirk threw in and Khan shrugged – he didn’t know the name of the officer – and continued:

“… She was the one who stopped him – what didn’t hinder him to knock me out.” He frowned, clearly offended. “He was the first who was ever able to do such a thing.”

Jim had to grin for a moment. “Yes, Spock’s strengths really are something to remember.”

“Oh, I do remember, Kirk!” the Augment exclaimed flatly. “I remember very well what he did to me – not only during our combat but also that he killed my family; or rather that he tricked me into believing it!” Coldness mirrored in his voice and Kirk took a deep breath.

“Look, they are alive. That’s all that mattered, right?” He saw Khan narrowing his eyes and added softly: “I know that this put you through a lot of grief, and I really do not understand why no-one told you that your people weren’t killed. There must have been plenty occasions to inform you, but…”

“But the guards took their own little revenge by keeping it a secret, as they executed the sentence. They didn’t speak to me anyway.” Bitterness lay in the deep voice and Jim frowned.

“They didn’t speak to you? Not once?”

Khan shook his head. “Every question passed unheeded, only requirements for food were answered by giving me something to eat and to drink.” He lowered his gaze. “I wasn’t even granted a last wish – so much for your so-called advanced civility.”

“Last wish?” The younger man pursed his lips. “You weren’t sentenced to death, but back to cryosl…”

“It is like dying, Kirk, believe me!” the super-human interrupted. “Yes, they sedated me, but sedatives don’t have the expected influence on me. I still could feel my body-function being lowered, while coldness crept through every fiber of my being.” The bad memories of the last minutes he was awake returned and made him speak without realizing that he shared a personal experience with the man, he had wanted to take revenge on. “The life sips out of you, everything becomes a blur and darkness enfolds you, while you think you’re turning into ice, but you can’t even shiver. Your mind struggles against it, tries to stay awake, clings to every thought until your instincts are too tired to fight anymore. And then there is nothing – absolutely nothing.” He shook his head. “It is like dying! As we started from Earth three centuries ago I knew that I would wake up again. This time I was certain that I would remain in this state for all eternity – dead but not dead, alive but not alive.” His far away glance focused once more and returned to Jim’s face; taking in the uncomfortable expression on the soft features. “I think you know this feeling by now.”

Kirk let the words sink in and nodded slowly. “Yeah, you are right. I do know exactly of what you’re speaking.” He moistened his lips, as his own memories went back in time. “To get contaminated with radioactivity feels the same – only that you don’t freeze but seem to burn.” He took a deep breath. “I somehow managed to crawl back to the emergency barrier, before I collapsed. That’s how Spock found me, unable to get me.” He sighed. “I admit: I was scared – more scared than I’ve ever been. There was so much I wanted to say, but…” He fell silent.

“There wasn’t any time left for you.” Khan’s voice sounded almost sympathetically. “Tell me, Kirk, if I would grant you a last wish, what would it be?”

“Is this an offer?” the Starfleet-officer asked bluntly; realizing that his nemesis hadn’t let him off the hook. Dammit, maybe he was a little bit to rash with the whole ‘I-cannot-shoot-you’-decision.

“Yes,” was the Augment’s only answer.

Jim hadn’t to think twice. “Spare my friends!” He looked straight into the sea-green-blue pools in the small attractive face of his enemy. “This is all I am wishing for: That my friends – my crew! – will be save.”

The enhanced man nodded. “I knew that you would ask for this.” He pulled one long leg closer to his chest and laid casually one forearm on his knee; the glass dangled between his elegant fingers. “As it seems, we do share several similarities.”

“You asked me once, if there would be anything I wouldn’t do for my family.” Kirk rubbed his neck; wincing as he touched the bruised skin there. “Well, I think I answered your question.”

Khan’s left edge of the mouth curled up in the slightest way possible. “So you do understand me.” He took a deep breath. “Where are my people?” He changed the topic, while his piercing gaze fixed back at the captain.

Well, that question was expected. And Jim had absolutely no answer for it. “I don’t know,” he sighed, returning the sharp glare of his foe with all the calmness he could muster. If Khan wouldn’t believe him, he would try to get the information by using violence and Kirk so didn’t look forward to another round of beating. So he decided to tell the plain truth. “I woke up more than two weeks after the whole incident and needed several days before the dizziness went away. Only then I heard about your trial, your sentence and that you were already put back to cryosleep – together with your crew. I asked Admiral Allistor, who was the temporary head of Starfleet Command at this time, for more details but all I learned was that you and your people were locked away in a high security facility no-one could enter without permission or direct order of the admiralty.” He leaned his chin on his knee; never leaving the super-human out of his eyes.

Khan stared intensely at him, pondering the younger man’s words carefully. Of course James Kirk wouldn’t give away the location of the Augments. He would be a fool if he did something like this and the captain may be reckless at some times, yet he was all but a fool. So the chance that his adversary simply lied was high, on the other hand Khan knew when people didn’t tell the truth, and he couldn’t find any hint that Kirk was doing this just right now. All he saw was plain sincerity.

“You and your Vulcan-puppy were the ones who were, in the end, responsible for my turn-in, yet they don’t trust you enough to inform you, where they put your enemy?”

Jim shrugged. “This whole thing is top-secret. I think, not even the President of the Federation knows the location of said facility.”

The Augment cocked his head. “But you have an idea,” he took a shot in the dark and Kirk snorted quietly.

“Not regarding the location, but I have every reason to believe that they are no longer on Earth.”


“Well…” Kirk scratched his head, before he wrapped the arm back around his knees. “… it would be logically to choose a place out of reach – not that it helped. After all some blokes took you and abused you as… Well…” He grimaced and fell silent, while he waited for the super-human’s reaction; hoping that Khan believed his statement. If not the next minutes could be very unpleasant.

For a long time his foe man didn’t say anything and just eyed him thoughtfully, then – finally – he nodded. “You’re telling the truth,” he simply said and emptied his glass, before he placed it beside him; starting to begin lost in thoughts.

His crew was safe but somewhere out there; out of his reach. They could be everywhere. It was like looking for the famous needle in a haystack – and the galaxy was a big haystack! Still he would try. He had no other choice. They were his family, his responsibility! He had to find and protect them, had to bring them to real safety – whatever the cost!

“What are you going to do now?” Kirk’s words pulled him back to reality and determination set in his whole being. “I will search for them – and even if it lasts a life-time.”

Jim swallowed. “I knew you would say that.”

Both men fell silent, then the captain cleared his throat. “Those scientists, who took you… Do you know who they are?”

Khan made a negative gesture. “No, but I know the name of the facility I was imprisoned: ‘Starfleet-Laboratory for Science and Healing’. The head of them goes by the name Matthew Dashwood – at least that’s what I heard whenever I was pulled out of the semi-coma.”

This time Kirk frowned. “The LSH had you? Here, in San Francisco?”

“No, in an underground building near Las Vegas,” the Augment answered cold and Jim stared bewildered at him.

“In Nevada? I didn’t even know that we have a lab there.” He shook his head. “And there I thought Section 31 has been liquidated! But, as it seems, a few bastards are still active. Only high-security-officers could smuggle you away.”

“You know my opinion about your beloved Starfleet,” Khan stated dryly.

Jim bit his lips. “Nobody is perfect – that applies even for you.”

“Barely,” the Augment replied arrogantly and Kirk shook his head.

“Blowhard!” he whispered under his breath, but it still was caught by the super-human’s enhanced hearing.

“For someone, who stays with one foot already in the own grave you’re surprisingly careless,” the former dictator commented nonchalant. “But then, ‘recklessness’ should be one of your given names, shouldn’t it?”

“You got it,” Jim grinned, before he turned sober again; remembering the whole situation he was in. Did he really sat here on the floor, with only a towel wrapped around his hips and was chit-chatting with Khan? Yes, he was! Someone should slap him on the back of his head, please. Supposedly it should help to increase the ability to think.

He drowned his own glass and raised with anything but elegant movements – his back and butt were still hurting. “Care to have another one?” he asked, lifting the empty glass. He was a little bit surprised, as Khan simply handed him his own cup.

“Go ahead, Kirk. I can afford several drinks. On the contrary to you alcohol does not affect me.”

“You can’t get drunk?” Kirk asked baffled and as the Augment nodded, he snorted: “Where is there the fun?”

“If you call suffering of immense headache and sickness ‘fun’, then I am glad that this ‘fun’ isn’t meant for me.”

Promptly Jim rolled his eyes. “I don’t speak of the hangover, you know.” He headed towards the kitchenette.

Khan’s gaze followed him. The Augment was slightly amused by the causality Kirk displayed to cover his unease. The younger man knew that he was still in danger and that for a good reason. Khan had had every intention to end the captain’s life as he broke into this flat. Now, after learning that his family was still alive and that Kirk hadn’t let him down at the trial but had been simply too ill to attend the event, his urge to kill the officer had lessened – not least because of the fact that he did have a good time over there on the king-sized bed.

A very good time!

And he wanted more. It had been years since he experienced such an intense carnal satisfaction, if at all, and his hunger wasn’t stilled. Kirk was incredible passionate, so full of life and vitality – it allured the super-human like a moth to the flame; especially now, after the emotional chaos he endured a short time ago. His body and mind yearned for a distraction through what he could find himself again.

As he watched his nemesis and took in the broad shoulders and slim waist, the lust arose in him once more. Kirk had not only high spirits, but was also terrible handsome, and his headstrongness was a challenge that heightened the Augment’s desire. Tomorrow he would have a new purpose – not to seek revenge, but to find and to save his family – and he knew that there laid a very long road ahead of him that maybe would lead to his demise, so why not use the last hours to fulfill his own deep needs? Just right now the night was still young and it was the last chance to find pleasure in another one’s arms, before he would be on the run again.

He knew that his escape must have been discovered by now and that Dashwood would inform Starfleet Command as soon as the security came to the result that ‘the prisoner’ wasn’t any longer in the facility. But Khan had hidden his real tracks very well – out there, in the still crazy-shrill world of Las Vegas – and had laid a false trail that would led his enemies to believe he was on another continent. It would elapse hours until Starfleet Command was going to realize that they followed a canard – hours, Khan planned to spend in the nicest way possible – but soon he would run out of time. So he really wanted to have another round of hot, fierce sex between the already messy sheets, before it would be him against the whole universe again.

Soundlessly he rose; his eyes fixed on the attractive shape of his captive. He assumed that Kirk would protest at the beginning, but he was certain that he soon would have the captain there, where he wanted him. The younger man was quite as lustful as he was.

Jim had reached the kitchen-counter and could almost feeling Khan’s stare on his back. It sent a shiver down his spine and placed a new knot in his belly. Somehow the atmosphere was changing again and Kirk’s sensibility caught it easily. “So, alcohol has no effect on you,” he began to break the silence. “I suppose because of your super-blood. Do you think there is any chance that I will get this by-effect, too?”

“Would this be a good or a bad thing in your opinion?” The rich baritone sounded directly behind him and Kirk almost jumped; letting the bottle, he already took, fall. The Augment’s reactions saved the expensive whisky from being wasted on the floor.

“Easy, Kirk, to brew a good single-malt is an act of art – nothing you want to spill on the carpets,” Khan taunted and placed the bottle back on the kitchen-counter.

“Dear God, man, don’t startle me like this!” Jim gasped; glaring at his foe after he turned around. “You almost gave me a heart-attack here.”

“What would be a shame,” the super-human mocked. “If I make your heart stop beating, then it will be out of another reason.”

The young captain tensed up; misinterpreting the words. “I thought we were out of the whole ‘I-will-kill-you-department’!”

Khan cocked his head and let his gaze roam over the gentle-manly beautiful features in front of him. “Whatever gave you this idea?” As he met the clear blue eyes he added: “After all, you did backstab me.”

Jim stiffened. Of course the Augment would bring this up. Yes, Kirk knew that he made a wrong decision as he ordered Scotty to stun the super-human as soon as they entered the bridge of the Vengeance. His act hadn’t differed from the other deeds which had been hurled at Khan, still Jim was sure that he hadn’t another choice at that time. His nemesis had only agreed to help because he had an own plan to get what he wanted, and therefore the captain’s precaution had been valid!

“Don’t tell me that you didn’t intent to kill Marcus and use Scotty, Carol and me as a pawn as soon as you reached the bridge!” he said calmly, but also challenging. “It was the only reason you joined me on the whole trip!”

Khan surveyed him thoughtfully. “Yes, I admit that I wanted to kill the man, who brought all the anguish upon me – who blackmailed me by threatening me with my family’s life and ordered to run tests on me until I was nothing more than a barely breathing mess. Marcus had to die! And I certainly would have used every chance to get my crew back.” His gaze became piercing. “But I thought you to be someone, who has honor. In a certain way you do have it, yet on the other hand you did the same like Marcus: You used me!” He lifted a hand as Kirk wanted to protest. “I heard every word you said to this bad excuse of an officer. You didn’t trust him, but the same went for me – after I saved your life two times!”

‘And his selfless sacrifice later saved not only his crew, but also your family!’ an inner voice offered ‘helpfully’.

‘He wanted to save his ship and his own crew. He never would have gone through this all, if only the lives of your people would have been on stake!’ the angry part of Khan’s mind replied, but was shut up again by that damn other inner voice: ‘Still they are only alive because of him!’

Jim took a deep breath; feeling a little pang of guilt – not knowing of the inner turmoil his captor was going through. “I haven’t forgotten that you saved me,” he agreed softly. “The Klingon would have shot me if you hadn’t interference – or I would have been lost in space after this chuck of debris hit my helmet and I flew blindly towards the Vengeance. I even don’t care that you didn’t do it out of a kind heart, but for your own advantages. Despite this all I was also aware of your real intentions to ally with me and that nothing was going to stop you.”

“Still I wouldn’t have menaced you,” the Augment growled and Kirk lifted both brows.

“And how did you want to ‘persuade’ Spock to give you your crew, if you wouldn’t have blackmailed him with Scotty’s, Carol’s or my life?” He glanced straight in the pale sea-colored eyes in front of him. “I admit that I made a mistake by ordering Scotty to stun you, but I saw no other way to prevent you from doing what you were so obviously up to.” He moistened his lips. “And by the way: You paid me back by beating me into a bloody pulp.”

“That wasn’t for Qo’noS,” Khan commented dryly.

Jim had the urge to roll his eyes again. “Oh, come on, you are only annoyed because I was a step ahead of you.”

“No, Kirk. I already told you that you’ve brains and when someone tries to outsmart me, I see it for what it is: A challenge. You, on the other hand, backstabbed me.” He lifted one hand cupped Kirk’s neck. “I took lives for less.”

The young officer felt another flash of fear, nevertheless he said outright: “Still you will not kill me now.”

An evil smirk tugged at Khan’s well-shaped lips: “You are right, Kirk. I am far from done with you.” He put his both hands on the counter beside Jim’s hips; trapping him effectively by doing so. Their bare chests almost touched, the warmth that radiated from their skins went straight into their veins, heating up the blood.

Jim’s face flushed as he recognized the desire flashing in the super-human’s eyes. “Don’t tell me you are up to another…” He waved towards the bed and the Augment chuckled.

“Yes, I am!” Khan nodded and pressed himself against the slightly smaller man’s body; eliciting a quiet gasp from him, before Kirk tried to push him away.

“Stop it! This is…”

“… something you want as badly as I,” his adversary cut in, bent forwards and whispered in his ear: “You can’t lie to me, dear captain.” His hot breath washed over the hypersensitive spot on Jim’s neck, where he had marked him properly. “I know you would like to have me taken you again.” He nuzzled the delicate skin behind Jim’s ear; relishing in the scent of shampoo and Kirk himself, while his hands wandered over his captive’s slim back. “You would love to be consumed once more – here, on the counter or over there against the wall. Or back on the bed.” His voice was a deep husky purr and the young officer sensed the all too familiar fire lapping beneath his skin; searching its way through his entire being.

“This… is insane!” he whispered; realizing that he – indeed – didn’t want Khan to stop. He hated his nemesis for making him feel this way, yet he knew that he couldn’t win against his own demands. Nonetheless he did protest as the Augment pulled away their towels, but his curses were swallowed by the soft lips of his foe, as he simply closed his mouth over Jim’s; deepening the kiss instantly.

Only as Khan suddenly lifted him and sat him on the kitchen-counter, a small part of sanity kicked in and Kirk turned his head away. “We can’t… That’s madness!”

“Yes it is,” the enhanced man murmured, while he stepped between Kirk’s legs. “But there is no reason to go not with it. There are only we both and this night – a night we will not waste with false modesty.” He cupped one of Kirk’s cheeks and forced him gently to look at him. “You were born for living out your passion, James Kirk, and I will not allow you to deny us both what we want because of some foolish pretense.” He pulled the younger man in a strong embrace, brought their groins together and began to attack his senses in the most erotically way possible.

And then there was for a long time nothing more than gasps and lustful moans.

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Tell me what we’d do?


In that room, at the library…

The secret storage room? Well…it’s hidden away in the basement at the school board office and only a few of us have the key. The room is filled with floor to ceiling metal shelves where we keep all the books before they get processed and shipped out to the schools. There’s a big wooden desk in the corner, just like the old-fashioned librarian’s desks you used to see ,and one small window. It’d be so easy to hide in there and no one would know.

Maybe one day I’ll sneak you in to work with me and handcuff you to the shelves. The ones far in the back where no one would see. That day I’d make sure I dressed like a traditional librarian…hair tied up in a bun, glasses, a pencil skirt and long-sleeved blouse with high, strappy, Mary-Jane heels. Of course, underneath I’d have on thigh high stockings and my sheerest bra and panties, but you wouldn’t know that…not yet.

The first time I leave you there, I think I’d let you keep all your clothes on. I’d kiss you very chastely on your lips, just enough so my taste would stay with you. The thought of you waiting there, all locked up for me, would make me so hot I’d be back to you within the hour. I’d kneel down in front of you and run my hands up and down your legs, spreading them apart so I could feel your cock beneath your jeans. I’d let my mouth wander all over the crotch of your pants, getting them damp with my hot breath, making you so hard you’d strain against the denim.

Then I’d leave again, letting you wait all hot and bothered like that for a little while longer. Leaving you to wonder if anyone else is going to come into the store room and find you locked up like that.

Just before lunch, I’d come back with something for you to eat. Maybe some juicy, ripe strawberries, that drip down and stain your tight T-shirt, and then I’d have no choice but remove it for you. I’d pull it up over your head, messing your dark hair. You’d look so sexy staring down at me with your green eyes. The same way you look in the morning after a night of sex. God, with your chest exposed like that, I’d not just be teasing you anymore, I’d be teasing me. I’d have to hike up my long skirt and slip off my drenched panties. I’d tuck them on the shelf right beside you so you’d be tormented by the smell of my sex. Then I’d lay back on the big librarian’s table and start to rub myself in front of you, my fingers flicking over my ready clit. Your eyes would lock on mine, watching me come closer and closer to orgasm. And then when I finish I’d let you suck them clean.

I’d barely be able to wait for the afternoon. Knowing your cock would be aching, waiting for me to come back to you. Stuck in the back corner of the book room with all the lights off, you’d be wondering how many more hours were left before everyone was gone for the day? You’d wonder if I’ll come back soon so you can kiss me, make me beg me to release you.

But my day is really busy and I wouldn’t be able to come back and find you until about an hour before the library closes. I know you’d be tired from standing in one position all day and I’d need to make it up to you. I’d leave the lights off as I slipped to the back corner to find. You don’t even know I’m there until you feel my hand against your cock. And I’d need to kiss you. Now I’m just as desperate for you as you are for me. You’d dip your head down to mine and I’d still be able to taste myself on your lips.

Kneeling before you, I’d quickly unzip your jeans and take you in my mouth. Your cock would be instantly hard, hitting the back of my throat as I take all of you. I’d suck the liquid that oozed from the tip, savouring the taste of you on my tongue. Suddenly we’d hear a key in the lock and the lights are turned on. We freeze as the someone starts to stack boxes of new books up on the shelves. I’d look up at you with an evil grin and put my fingers to my lips to quiet you, and take your cock back in my mouth, loving the thought of getting caught like this. I’d suck you slowly, wanting you to come in my mouth. I wouldn’t stop until you do. Sensing you trying to hold back, to not make a sound, I’d work even harder to break down your defences. I’d cup your balls in my hands, pulling and squeezing, waiting for that telltale tightening that means your going to come for me. A few minutes more is all you could hold out before I swallowed every last drop you give me. Just as we finish, the lights go back out and we’d hear the keys locking the door again.

Laughing, I’d straighten out my clothes and zip your pants back up. ’Not much longer’, I’d promise.

Back at my desk, I’d take my time packing up, savouring the anticipation. Making sure everyone has left the library before I shut down the rest of the computers and put back the books leftover from the day.

Twirling the key to your handcuffs around my fingers, I’d make my way back down the hall to the storage room. All my senses are on fire, knowing that the hours of torment I’d given you have only made you want me more…I can barely wait to feel your cock buried deep inside me.

Unlocking the storage room, I’d leave all the lights off. I wouldn’t want us to be interrupted this time. The sun would be almost down now, but the light still coming in the window would be just bright enough to see you waiting for me.

Pushing myself against your naked chest, I’d wait for your kiss. The minute our lips met I’d feel the familiar liquid fire pulse through me, making me wet all over again. Your kiss is soft, questioning, waiting to see what I’m going to do next.

I’d have to pull away before I get lost in you. My hands go to my hair and pull out the pins that have been holding it in place all day. One by one they’d drop to the floor until my hair cascades down around my shoulders. Biding my time, I’d take my glasses off and place them on the shelf next to the panties I’d left there earlier.

I’d hear the rattle of metal on metal as you try to reach for me, forgetting that you’re still handcuffed to the shelves. Smiling, I’d take a step back as I start to unbutton my blouse for you. Letting it hang open, I’d reach down to slip off my heels before letting my skirt drop to the floor in a puddle of fabric.

Standing before you in my stockings, bra and blouse, I see the bulge in your jeans, hear your breath catch in your throat. I’d reach forward and unzip your pants, tugging them down your muscled thighs all the way to your ankles so you can step out of them. You’d have nothing on underneath. Perfect.

Coming close to you again, I’d start to kiss your chest, licking the sweat from your skin, working my way down to your hips, lips grazing that perfect spot of muscle. You’re pushing against me, teasing me, making me want you so badly. I’d let my lips slide back up your stomach as I reached for the key to unlock your cuffs.

The minute you’re free, you’d force me onto the table, spreading me wide, your mouth on my sex. I’d hear you moaning and growling as you taste me, lick me, devour me. My hands in your hair as I kept you pressed hard against my cunt, loving the feel of your tongue. You’d find every secret part of me and make me pay for teasing you all day long.

I’d beg. ‘Please, please. Fuck me. Please. I want you in me, every last inch’.

You’d drag me down towards the edge of the table and drive your cock into my tight wet pussy, harder and harder. Your lips find my breasts and suck my nipples through the sheer fabric of my bra. Your skin on mine, your hard body against my soft one. The sensations making everything blurry as I let you do whatever you want to me.

I need to come so bad, and wait for you to say my name, to claim me. But today you decided to teach me patience. The same patience you had as you waited all day long for me to come to you.

Leaving me right on the edge of bliss, you’d pull out and force me to sit up. Then you’d take your time kissing me, slowly removing my blouse, licking my neck, biting my breasts until I’m shivering under your touch. You’d reach out and unclasp my bra, staring, watching me blush when you don’t look away. You’d take them in your big hands, rubbing my nipples with your thumbs, making me moan with pleasure. Your lips leave a wet trail down my stomach before stopping just above my soaking cunt.

‘Please’, I’d whisper.

Pulling me off the table, you’d turn me around and I’d feel your eyes on me. With only my stockings on, I feel more exposed than ever. Your hot skin against mine as you step up to me, nudging me towards the table, forcing me to bend over.

Your hard cock would nudge up against my bottom, your hands caressing my skin. Even though I want it as much as you, I still gasp as I realize what you mean to do to me.

Bit by bit I feel you enter me. I push back against you, wanting all of you in me, where no one else has ever fucked me. The feeling is so good, like nothing else. You’d rock us back and forth slowly, slipping in and out, torturing me, till I’m begging you to let me come. I know you need to too, this is too good for either of us to resist much longer.

‘What do you want?’ you’d ask.

‘I want to come for you.’ It comes out in a whisper.

I’d hear you say my name, triggering my orgasm instantly. As I writhe and moan under your weight you come hard and all you’d hear is me screaming your name.

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Stressed, burdened with life’s difficult problems and fear that your health is declining? Then sex is the answer to happiness, longevity and a healthy body. You don’t agree?

1. De-stress
Sex helps you reduce stress. When deep breathing exercises fail to de-stress you, sex will do the needful.

During sex your body produces dopamine, a substance that fights stress hormones, endorphins, aka “happiness hormones” and oxytocin, a desire-enhancing hormone secreted by the pituitary gland.

In a study, published in the Public Library of Science journal, three neuroscience researchers conducted a test on male rats and found that the sexually active rats were less anxious than rats with no sexual activity.

2. Great Form of Exercise
Making love is a form of physical activity. During intercourse, the physiological changes in your body are consistent with a workout. You must have noticed that the respiratory rate rises, which means you get tired. Hence, you burn calories. If you have sex three times a week for 15 minutes (but we know you can do better than that) you’ll burn about 7.500 calories in a year. That’s the equivalent of jogging 75 miles! Heavy breathing raises the amount of oxygen in your cells, and the testosterone produced during sex keeps your bones and muscles strong.

3. Lowers high blood pressure
Hugs and sex can improve your blood pressure. Sex reduces diastolic blood pressure, that is, the bottom number while reading blood pressure.

Researchers with the University of Paisley conducted an experiment on the same. They concluded that sex improves blood pressure.

4. Builds your immunity
Trying to fight the sniffles? Sex is the answer to fight cold and other health problems; sex can boost your immunity.

Immunoglobulin A, an antigen that fights the flu increases when the frequency of sex increases.

5. Makes You Look Younger
Making love three times a week can make you look 10 years younger, claims a Scottish researcher. “It’s good for you to have good sex,” says David Weeks, a clinical neuropsychologist at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, whose study on the effects of sex on aging appears in his book, Secrets of the Superyoung.

6. Healthy heart
Sex helps you burn calories but it can also improve your heart. Sex will take care of stroke and heart attacks, you just have to enjoy the moment.

Scientists with New England Research Institute examined the effect of sex on the heart. The study concluded that men are 45 percent less likely to experience cardiovascular diseases. But the study fails to study the effect of sex on a woman’s heart.

7. Pain relief
Pleasure is the measure to beat out the pain. Do you experience migraines and body pain? Well sex is the answer. But if you experience back pain, it is best to consult a doctor.

Dr. George E. Erlich, an arthritis specialist from Philadelphia conducted a study on the link between arthritis and sex. He narrows down that patients who engaged in sex experienced less pain.

8. Builds trust and intimacy
The act of sex spikes the hormone oxytocin; this hormone is responsible for your happiness and love. If your feel your relationship is falling out, there is trust or you’re worried that your partner will stray away, then sex will dispel these doubts. The hormone oxytocin builds trust and brings couples closer, and cupid too.

9. Less chances of cancer
Regular ejaculation reduces your chances of developing prostate cancer. In an Australian study men who ejaculated 21 times a month were least likely to develop cancer. It is further supported by other researches that sexual intercourse reduces the risk of prostrate cancer.

10. Stronger pelvic muscles
Sex involves the use of several muscles; hence regular sexual intercourse can help you develop stronger pelvic muscles. Further, since the act of sex involves a range of muscles, it also helps strengthen these muscles – for ex: quads, your core, and the upper back. Through regular sex, you can also maintain a strong bladder and bowel function.

Strong muscles, calorie burner, improves heart health – sex seems to take care of you.

11. Prostate Protection
Most of the fluid you ejaculate is secreted by the prostate gland. If you stop ejaculating, the fluid stays in the gland, which tends to swell, causing lots of problems. Regular ejaculation will wash those fluids out and ensure the well being of your prostate until old age. Problems may also occur when you suddenly change the frequency of ejaculations.

12. Induces sleep
After that great, lovely workout you are bound to get good sleep. But guess what? Sex works the same way as exercise. The increased heart rate leads to increased post-coital relaxation. Sex could be the next thing for insomniacs! So what really happens:
– Sex can relax you, hence if you are already tired, the act of sex will induce sleep.
– When men ejaculate they become lethargic, this can make them sleepy.

13. Regular periods
Apparently sex can improve your menstrual cycle. Sex regulates hormones, which in turn regulate the menstrual cycle. Sex reduces stress, which is one of the reasons women miss their periods. Sex seems like a better option than pills.

14. Prevents Erectile Dysfunctions
Fifty per cent of men older than 40 suffer from erectile dysfunctions and all young men fear the moment when they won’t be able to get it up any more. The best medicine against impotence is…sex. An erection keeps the blood flowing through your penile arteries, so the tissue stays healthy. Plus, doctors compare an erection to an athletic reflex: the more you train the more capable you are to perform.

15. Live longer
A healthy heart, stronger muscles, increased circulation of oxygen and happiness are some of the factors that add life to the years and as a result – years to your life.

A study published in the British Medical Journal reveals that men who engaged in sex often live twice as those who rarely had any action.

16. Healthier semen
If you’re trying to conceive, you increase the volume of semen if you have sex regularly. Regular sex replaces old sperms from the testicles. If there is a natural build of sperms it can lead to DNA damage.


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One of these days I am going to sit down and fully clean my scanner so that I can get much better images, alas today is not that day and well the rest of this week is not looking very good either. Hello Holidays. In the meantime however I am playing catch up on sharing the different bits of ATC and other swap art that have gone out in my mail box in the last few months. So always in the interest of sharing mail art here, a gallery of what I have been uploading to Flickr today.


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