Still an avid writer, but have not been keeping up on counting what I have sent out the last few years. If you would like to become pen pals please feel free to drop me an email to get things started. You can never leave a love of fountain pens and fine stationery behind.

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Feb20

 

Stepping outside of the usual just a song way I do Musical Monday although there is of course music in this piece. What can I say..I am feeling very Henry and Anne as of late. It is sad how the modern mind usually only remembers that she was beheaded in the end. They forget about over a decade of love and passion that played out. As we are all just stories in the end..I dare say they made it a good one.


Feb18

History is not as black and white as many would wish it to be. We only ever see one side, one set of stories, we see the stories and tales as those who won wanted them to look. What would happen if love and passion could still triumph over injury and dynasty? Things could get complicated…

 

 

“Good Christian people, I am come hither to die, for according to the law and by the law I am judged to die, and therefore I will speak nothing against it. I am come hither to accuse no man, nor to speak anything of that, whereof I am accused and condemned to die, but I pray God save the king and send him long to reign over you, for a gentler nor a more merciful prince was there never: and to me he was ever a good, a gentle and sovereign lord. And if any person will meddle of my cause, I require them to judge the best. And thus I take my leave of the world and of you all and I heartily desire you all to pray for me. O Lord have mercy on me, to God I commend my soul.” The people witnessing my murder let out a roar of short cheer, a few yelling here or there to bless my soul, hail Queen Anne, peace be with you, my lady . But I drowned it all out.

 

How could Henry be doing this to me? Just to marry that milky faced girl? Yes, I usurped Katherine’s position, but she left with her life. Yes, she left in some degree of shame and was forced to remain in obscurity . But she also left with her dignity , and pride, insisting she was still Queen of England. But she also left with her life! Why am I to be killed? I put everything at risk and ruined my good name just to be with him, to love him with all my heart and soul and I am being killed for loving him. What has that harlot put at risk beside my favor and good treatment of her? I recall now that Henry had once asked me if I were happy , the most happy . I had told him that the only way I would ever be unhappy were if he were to stop loving me. He’d replied by saying he’d die first. It now looks as though it’s the other way around; I am the one who’s dying. I refocused in on the crowd, now aware that my speech and calming was done. It was time to die. I took off my jewelry , handing it to my more loyal ladies. I tied my hair, securely in its bun, in a cap. Untying it from my waist I took the pouch of a generous amount of pounds and handed it to the executioner. I forgave him before he could even ask, and thanked him for his kindness of coming all this way . I knelt upright, managing to keep erect as I said my final prayers, in the French way of executions. I came into this whirlwind, quick paced; backstabbing life with style and by no means shall I leave without the same amount of flare. I looked out to the people, softening my face. If it should be frozen in time after this, I don’t want it to look distraught. I wish to look as peaceful as possible. The people began to drop gracefully to the ground in deep bows and curtsies, which puzzled me. Technically I am not the true queen anymore; they don’t owe me this respect. I might still be the Marques of Pembroke but they don’t need to bow at all, much less so low. I scan the crowd and my tired eyes fall on Henry , haughty as ever. His chest is puffed with pride and importance as he strides up to the scaffold.

 

“Lady Anne Boleyn, Marques of Pembroke. Upon further inspections of the crimes Mark Smeaton, your brother, and yourself have been accused of, they’ve been proven false. But there is still no proof of your being pure before we were wed. Our marriage is going to be annulled when I find solid grounds for it and you are not to return to Court. You are to return to Pembroke and remain in obscurity there. Come, a carriage is waiting to take you and your trunks are all packed.” I tried to hide my shock and utter surprise. George was alive! George was to live! And I as well! I am being allowed my life! I am not to die for the lies of overly ambitious courtiers and families! I gather myself, removing the cap upon my head in doing so. I stand and take a few short breaths.

 

“I cannot thank Your Majesty enough. You are indeed a most gracious king and sovereign lord. What of my family , they are not to return to Court either I trust?” the small crowd had already been dismissed and my Ladies, the executioner, Henry and I were the only ones left as we descended from the scaffold.

 

“We shall talk in a minute, Marques Anne.” I nod shortly before turning to thank my ladies for all they have done. I am almost sure they shall not be coming with me to Pembroke.

“My Lady! Your pouch.” The executioner tries to hand me back the money , but I gently push it towards him.

 

“Keep it, sir. Please, consider it a gift from me as a show of thanks. You did travel out of your way .” He looks confused before nodding and backing away .

 

“Why do you look so gay , Lady Anne?”

 

“I had intended to die in a certain degree of style and grace. Now, please, if you will, I am still slightly disoriented and confused as to what has happened in my absence. What new information had come forward? What is to become of my family? And…what of Elizabeth? My beautiful baby girl…” thinking of my little Elizabeth was enough to keep me calm and quiet. I felt horrible for my little girl. What if Henry hadn’t come? She’d be without a mother or mother figure. No doubt that harlot would treat her terribly , for she was in favor of the Spanish princess. And she’d become just like Mary , ignored and unloved by her male-hungry father. The last time my beautiful princess had seen me I was a wreck, yelling and screaming and begging for Henry’s love and favor.

 

“The accuser’s only proof of your witchery was a sixth finger and body marks on your back. I have never seen either in the many times we had lain together. Katherine’s heart had not been blackened by foul practices but by some unhealthy air from where she was sent, she’d been sick for far too long. On the charges of adultery I found Mark Smeaton battered. He signed an oath stating that he’d never known you carnally . He’d only been tortured and done anything to make it stop. On the charges of incest, Cranmer had overheard your brother’s wife telling another Lady about her guilt because she’d never truly known George to be with you. Nan had supported this by saying that you two were never out of her own eye and only shared as much as a kiss on the cheek. Your father is being allowed to stay , but George left immediately for Hever. He’d mentioned something about your mother being sickly . And for all I am told Mary is still living happily with her lowly husband.”

 

“Your Majesty , if I may interject,” I looked to him for his approval to continue, he dipped his head low for a short second before I continued. “I don’t think it’d be wise to keep my father at Court.”

 

“And why not?”

 

“He’s quite the ambitious man. He and my uncle were always putting me under various degrees of stress and pressure warning me of your power over me, telling me it was too much at times, telling me to exile certain people. They gained me a few enemies that would’ve smiled at the thought of seeing my head roll.” I looked down as he stayed quiet.

 

“Maybe you wouldn’t’ve lost my boy if it weren’t for them then? Absolutely not. They shall be dismissed. I thank you for being straightforward with me, Marques.”

 

“You never answered my last question, Henry . What is to become of my daughter?” I was tired of calling him by his formal title. I had known him as Henry through seven years of companionship and three years of marriage. I am far too accustomed to it now.

 

“Our daughter, Anne! Elizabeth is mine too!” he was upset now. At least I am assured that he loves Elizabeth. “She is to remain at Hatfield as a royal child. However she is a bastard as well. She hasn’t been told much except that she is to no longer to call you by certain names.” I nod.

“When shall I be allowed to see her? I’ve missed her terribly .”

 

“I know you have, Anne. But you are not yet allowed to see her. You coddle her so. She needs some form of separation and isolation from such strong feeling so she may grow into a respectable young lady . Once Jane bears my son, I plan on marrying her off to a dauphin.”

 

I smile wryly to myself. He knew how much I favored the French. “Yet she is declared a bastard. Yet she’d still be under the children you have with Mistress Seymour.”

 

“Anne, remember your place. You are forever beneath her from this point on. We are to be married as soon as our marriage is formally over. She’ll not be crowned Queen formally until after she bears me my son, which won’t take very long considering she’s already two months along. But she is to be my legal wife and fulfill the position and title of Queen informally .”

 

I tried to swallow my temper. He’s being generous, Anne. Control your temper. If you had before maybe he would still love you, and not the milky faced girl. Control your temper, Anne. Think of Elizabeth. She may be subject to Henry’s wrath and consequence if I make use of my sharp tongue with Henry . The thoughts of my baby girl made me feel better already . “Yes, Your Majest-” I passed out.

 

I suppose Father was wrong, and Mother had always been right. Keeping your highly volatile emotions in like this isn’t entirely healthy . I must still be quite drained and distressed from coming within an inch to my death. The last thing I remember were so many footsteps, all running toward me. “Lady Anne!” rang through my ears as the world went black. When I woke up I was in my old chambers.

 

True to Henry’s word all my things had been moved out. But none on Mistress Seymour’s were moved in yet. I suppose the milky faced girl prefers lighter colors than Katherine and I did. How frivolous. I enjoy light colors also, for certain occasions I even prefer them, but not for all the time. Darker, deeper colors bring about a sense of solemnity , of regality . Bright colors are nice but they do nothing for me. A few of my old Ladies stood around me, looking fearful. Among them were Nan and Madge. They were so loyal. Out of all I think I should miss them the most.

 

They heaved a sigh of what I was assuming was relief before Nan shooed them away to go do as they had been told, sending Madge for the physician and Henry . She sat by me on the bed feeling my forehead and stroking my hair a bit. “Thank god you’re finally awake. The doctors were afraid you might stay in a sleeplike trance for weeks, maybe even forever. His Majesty was not at all pleased, he’s been in a terrible temper for as long as you’ve been ill. The only person he’ll see is the Duke of Suffolk.” Her tone was of reproach and she was shaking her head and clicking her tongue.

 

“And how long exactly have I been ill?”

 

**TBC**


Feb17

Suffering from chronic pain is not something I would wish on anyone. Well okay maybe one or two people but I always remember what we do can come back on us three fold. In my life there have been those who do not understand chronic pain. I am lucky enough to have cut most of them from my life (for other issues then just that) but it doesn’t mean it isn’t hard for others in my life to understand. Chronic pain is not like other pains, it can’t be seen and you can’t point to some scar, or cast or something to explain the pain. This is why many don’t understand it. You either get those who tell you to get over it, or those who treat you as though your an invalid and may break any second. Neither is fun. For years I have tried to find a way to point out to others how chronic pain feels to me and how I manage to still manage to solider on as best as I can with it. As good as I can be with words this is something I have failed at. So I was very happy to find this come across one of my online feeds. An open letter from a person with chronic pain. This explains things better then I ever could. I am going to post here as a quote but I am also linking my SOURCE for this letter right here.

Open letter from a person with chronic pain

Having chronic pain means many things change, and a lot of the changes are invisible.

Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people do not understand chronic pain and its effects, and of those that think they know, many are actually misinformed. In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand: These are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me.

Please understand that being sick doesn’t mean I’m not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I probably don’t seem like much fun to be with, but I’m still me, stuck inside this body. I still worry about work, my family, my friends, and most of the time, I’d still like to hear you talk about yours, too.

Please understand the difference between “happy” and “healthy.” When you’ve got the flu you probably feel miserable with it, but I’ve been sick for years. I can’t be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard at not being miserable. So, if you’re talking to me and I sound happy, it means I’m happy. That’s all. It doesn’t mean that I’m not in a lot of pain, or not extremely tired, or that I’m getting better, or any of those things. Please don’t say, “Oh, you’re sounding better!” or “But you look so healthy!” I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look normal. If you want to comment on that, you’re welcome to.

Please understand that being able to stand up for 10 minutes doesn’t necessarily mean that I can stand up for 20 minutes, or an hour. Just because I managed to stand up for 30 minutes yesterday doesn’t mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you’re either paralyzed, or you can’t move. With this one, it gets more confusing every day. It can be like a yo-yo. I never know from day to day how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of chronic pain.
Please repeat the above paragraph substituting “sitting,” “walking,” “thinking,” “concentrating,” “being sociable,” and so on; it applies to everything. That’s what chronic pain does to you.

Please understand that chronic pain is variable. It’s quite possible (and for many, it’s common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I’ll have trouble getting to the next room. Please don’t attack me when I’m ill by saying, “But you did it before!” or “Oh, come on, I know you can do this!” If you want me to do something, then ask if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally. If you are able to, please try to always remember how very lucky you are, to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do.

Please understand that “getting out and doing things” does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You don’t know what I go through or how I suffer in my own private time. Telling me that I need to exercise or do some things to “get my mind off of it” may frustrate me to tears, and is not correct. If I was capable of doing some things any or all of the time, don’t you know that I would? I am working with my doctors and I am doing what I am supposed to do. Another statement that hurts is, “You just need to push yourself more, try harder.” Obviously, chronic pain can affect the whole body, or be localized to specific areas. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of time can cause more damage and physical pain than you could ever imagine. Not to mention the recovery time, which can be intense. You can’t always read it on my face or in my body language. Also, chronic pain may cause secondary depression (wouldn’t you get depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months or years?), but it is not created by depression.

Please understand that if I say I have to sit down, lie down, stay in bed, or take these pills now, that probably means that I do have to do it right now, it can’t be put off or forgotten just because I’m somewhere, or I’m right in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.
If you want to suggest a cure to me, please don’t. It’s not because I don’t appreciate the thought, and it’s not because I don’t want to get well. Lord knows that isn’t true. In all likelihood, if you’ve heard of it or tried it, so have I. In some cases, I have been made sicker, not better. This can involve side effects or allergic reactions, as is the case with herbal remedies. It also includes failure, which in and of itself can make me feel even lower. If there were something that cured, or even helped people with my form of chronic pain, then we’d know about it. There is worldwide networking (both on and off the Internet) between people with chronic pain. If something worked, we would KNOW. It’s definitely not for lack of trying. If, after reading this, you still feel the need to suggest a cure, then so be it. I may take what you said and discuss it with my doctor.

If I seem touchy, it’s probably because I am. It’s not how I try to be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be normal. I hope you will try to understand. I have been, and am still, going through a lot. Chronic pain is hard for you to understand unless you have had it. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and exasperating. Almost all the time, I know that I am doing my best to cope with this, and live my life to the best of my ability. I ask you to bear with me, and accept me as I am. I know that you cannot literally understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as is possible, I am asking you to try to be understanding in general.

In many ways I depend on you, people who are not sick. I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out. Sometimes I need you help me with the shopping, the cooking, or the cleaning. I may need you to take me to the doctor or to the store. You are my link to the “normalcy” of life. You can help me to keep in touch with the parts of life that I miss and fully intend to undertake again, just as soon as I am able.

I know that I asked a lot from you, and I do thank you for listening. It really does mean a lot.


Feb13

Oh yeah I am so behind on doing things that I should, like catching up on my Saturday Sanc, but I do plan on actually doing that later today. For the moment however I am just going to put up this Monday’s song and let people take from it what they will.


Feb11

While I do not yet have my own story for the Saturday Sanctuary written up I thought I would make sure that I got it posted right away so anyone who wishes to join in may do so. I will add my story later tonight in an edit. Happy Saturday everyone here is to making it through another week together. Mr Linky will be set up next week (I hope) so folks can link up if they actually wish to.

This weeks prompt is this:


Feb06

I missed Musical Monday last week I was just not in a place to post about it. I lost another one of my beloved babies. My Cubby my sweet sweet Cubby also of course why there was no Saturday Sanc this week I did not want to leave another depressing prompt idea for anyone to follow, if anyone is also doing the Saturday Sanc, I really should start a Mr. Linky. I still can’t really process all of it, but I am working on that. I think sitting down and writing a proper post about it will help me eventually to start dealing with it better. For now however, I am just going to do what I can and allow myself the time to move slowly as needed. This week we have a song that is helping me feel a bit better over things that have been going on. My friends and family kinda giggle at me because I say Josh Grobin music makes me feel conflicted. There are a lot of songs of his that I really enjoy. I know he is a Christian singer and so as a Pagan some find it odd I like his music. I always say that music can be uplifting in ways that aren’t always so obvious. Yes the obvious go to in many of his songs is that he is referring to his God, but often times it is not specifically stated and even if it is music is still open to be interpreted. So I choose to interpret and still feel uplifted by the songs I like, you know even if he makes me feel conflicted sometimes. * LOL *

I really can’t think of a song at the moment that fits things for me right now more then this one. A true anthem for the day, the week heck the entire part of this year so far.


Jan28

Just as I got my feet under me and started to work forward from losing my Pasha the universe took another stab at me and knocked me down again. My Cubby was taken from me. I am sorry that I seem to be depressive again but that seems to be the hand I have been dealt this month.


Jan23

Here comes Monday again. Not a fantastic week last week and in all honesty I am fairly sure that this week is going to be a little bit of a pain in the rear end too. Sorry to be a bit depressing folks, I really don’t mean to be sometimes that is just how life is. That said, music can sooth the savage beast right? Or maybe the savage Amby. Today I am enjoying the tunes of Wicked.

 


Jan21

Today’s writing prompt is this picture with this phrase, or without and even the phrase on its own. The phrase is:

Moving forward

Building on the fact that I am embracing that a writing prompt here does not have to be for fiction again this week. I know my last weeks have been a little bit sad and maybe even emo, but I am the first to admit I have not been dealing with my grief well. Things have been rough and my stress is still so far up that I can’t really explain it well enough. However, yesterday a force that has given me a boost arrived and brought that bit of sunshine I needed. I won’t pretend I am all rainbows and unicorns and such, but progress is happening, so I have chosen to work on moving forward. I have chosen to find happiness in what thing’s I can, I am choosing to work my hardest not to wallow in my grief. Won’t be easy but one minute at a time.

I know I would have come to this conclusion in time anyways. I am not the type of person who sits and sees only the negative in everything. Sure, I have my moments, but more often than not I try to find at least a small thing to be happy about. Yesterday my sweet departed Pash Pash ensured that another life would be saved and join our family. This sweet new little life applies a band-aid to my wound and allows me to take the first easy breaths I have since Pash Pash passed on. You can never replace a loved one and that is the same for loved animals, my animals are my family. You can make more room in your heart though. Allow the love you have to share to expand to that new sweet baby and slowly the pain will dull. New life is always something positive and it is hard not to smile as you get to know the quirks and amusements of a new cute little friend.

This is the little guy who showed up to be part of our family. He looks similar to my sweet Pasha, less white on him and his face is thinner, but there are similarities. This sweet boy has black socks instead of white like Pasha had and his little jelly bean paw pads are black too. For some reason I am completely enamored with the fact that his paw pads are black. I have had cats with pink pads and a mix of pink and black but never just black.

This little guy has been dubbed with the rather long name of Misha Castiel Pasha, yes, I am a complete and total nerd and that has never been in question right?

He is an interesting little fellow so far and is settling in well. I know we will see more of his true self as he becomes part of the pride and pack in the house. He is a fairly laid back little guy and he LOVES attention. He purrs very loudly and meets Dutchy’s tough standards for cleaning. This kid has already power bathed himself 4 times since he has been home. The rest of the residents of the house have accepted him pretty well with very little hissing, snarling or anything else. It makes me feel like he is indeed the piece that was missing with the loss of our Pasha, he just slid into that spot and fit in like the perfect puzzle piece. I am going to truly enjoy the next week and watching to see how his character unfolds. So far he does seem to be named properly, he is a little odd in that sweet adorable and fantastic way. Who wants normal right?

I also just noticed this morning that his tail is different, I seem to get kitties with different tails. It looks like at some point in his young life (he is about 5 months old or so at present) his tail was broken. It doesn’t hurt him at all and he doesn’t seem to notice anything odd about it, but the top 1/4 of his tail is kinked over and held so it is almost like his tail forms an L shape. I didn’t notice this right away as most of my cats purposely hold the tips of their tails over to make kind of an S shape and I thought maybe he was trying that and not doing well with it. A closer look and full body rub showed me however that yes indeed at some point his tail was broken. I don’t mind at all to me that just gives him extra character and makes him even more a part of the family. Dutchy has half a tail, the rest of it was taken when she was but a tiny kitten by what we don’t know. Callie has an extra long tail that seems to be a tail and then the missing half of Dutchy’s as well as her “special”. One of Callie’s legs broke while still growing in the womb and never grew past that point. It healed folded over and smaller and doesn’t both her her one bit. Several vets have told me that if it doesn’t pain or hinder her and they didn’t think it was, there was no reason to put her through the stress of a big amputation surgery. Those are just some of the unique things in this family, so Misha fits right in.

It truly is nice to part some of the fog. I can see a path out and I can see the beautiful light coming through the forest trees. I will get better eventually. I will start to feel less stress. Although I do have to say I think a vacation is going to need to happen before I can feel totally refreshed and recharged.

 


Jan16

Monday is here again.  I am starting to feel more and more like Garfield about Monday’s although the rest of the week hasn’t been peachy keen either. Anyways enough with the melancholy in text form. On to the music for today.


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