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Jun19

First and foremost I want to say Happy Father’s Day to all of those out there today who take on the role of Father. Whether that means you are a bio dad, a man who stepped up to be a dad, a single mom who plays both roles, a great uncle or fur dad. Everytype of Dad gets a big shout out from me.

Sadly what makes today a mixed day for me is the loss of another life to 2016. A very young life that had barely begun to live. Anton Yelchin best known for his role as Checkov in the new Star Trek films and Fright Night has passed away. A freak accident that shows everyone just how short life really is.

Any moment could be our last and life is not a guarantee to anyone in this world. Death doesn’t care if you are young or old rich or poor when he wants to punch your ticket he is going to do it. Knowing this, knowing how short life is and what little time we really have should remind all of us to live life to the fullest. Embrace every day as if it could be the last because it is possible that it might be. Tell the people you love that you love them, take risks, love hard anything that makes life worth living. Do it. LIVE as best as you can for as long as you can.

On that note with the way this year has been going. I think someone needs to have a talk with George RR Martin.


Jun15

Ah the humble potato a food loved by some and hated by others because *gasp* it is a carb! Well, you know what, I don’t care if it is a carb you will have to pry my potatoes out of my cold dead hands to take them away from me. I come from a good sturdy stock of Irish and German folk and I love my potatoes. Growing up, my family did not have a lot of money. We did not have a lot of extra’s and expensive meals out all of that, but we always had enough to eat. We were always full of good stick to your tummy meals. Even when we went on our summer week away to the lake cabin with my Great Grandma (shared costs) those tasty meals followed and often were grilled! Were they fancy? No, they sure weren’t, but they were hot, tasted good and gave me a lot of fond memories and comfort foods to take with me on my journey through life.

When it comes right down to it, I will always prefer the good ole stick to your ribs kind of meals over the fancy pants stuff you find sometimes. Why does food have to be so frilly these days? Take a stroll on pintrest and find a great many beautifully plated dishes with a million ingredients. Do not get me wrong, fancy food is good too, and it is a great treat sometimes (especially when you don’t have to cook it) but really, who has time for that? With jobs, kids, pets and everything else going on in our lives, why do we have to worry about making fancy pants well plated meals during the week as well?

I for one don’t. I want my family to eat well, as healthy as possible and have the same kind of memories built as I did when I was a kid. Despite a busy schedule of work and life in general I really do work on that comfort food for dinner. I make what I can ahead of time and have things ready to go a well, so dinner does not have to be a stressful event. Alas, I digress the humble potato is the focus here.

Why a post about potatoes? Recently as I was chatting with someone in a waiting room as I made a menu for the next week, she commented that I sure was making a lot of that “carbohydrate peasant food.” Excuse me? I wanted to beat her with my notebook, but sometimes discretion is the better part of valor and I just gave her a fairly disdainful look and moved to the other side of the room for myself. So then I started thinking about her commented and looked at my menu. Yes, there was a fair amount of potato there.

Southern fried chicken with Mash and fresh green beans
A simple pan seared pork chops with rosemary roasted potatoes and kale
Poor man’s supper (a childhood favorite of mine, it is basically a version of shepherds pie) corn, hamburger and mashed potatoes

Three meals with potatoes in a week of meals. That is not overly much to me. Seemed perfectly normal to me and my family enjoys the meals. The humble potato can be made in so many ways! It takes on so many flavors delightfully! So why is it getting flack these days? The humble potato fed the Irish and was so involved in their lives that when the great potato famine hit, so many died. From the years of 1780 and 1841 the humble potato staved off starvation of the poor Irish. One acre of potatoes could feed a family of 6 for nearly a year if rationed well and the crop was good. As meat, bread and other things vanished from the Irish table most of their meals began to consist of a potato and milk, which in it’s raw form is a super food and this made the meal completely nutritionally complete. As the potato fed the masses the population doubled in the country! Not too bad for the humble potato yes?

Sadly, in 1845 a blight hit the crop of potatoes entire crops could be lost in a matter of hours the blight was so terrible and aggressive. The people were saved that year as they slaughtered pigs, which ate up to 1/3 of the crop every year and then were able to eat the pork. However, in 1846 the blight got worse and killed around 90% of the crop. Not only did this deeply affect what people had to eat, but it prevented a new crop of potatoes from even being planted. The blight was not as bad in 1847 perhaps because of the low yield of the crop, but in 1848 and 1849 it was back and terrible. That is when the famine was to truly set in. At the end when the dust had settled 1 million people had moved to the United States while 2 million died. Death came from starvation itself as well as dysentery, cholera and other issues that people were unable to fight off due to starvation.

So next time someone gives me crap about potatoes I am going to remind them what happened when the lovely little tuber wasn’t healthy. I know this was a bit of an extreme post for something like a potato but that is just how I am rolling lately.


May28

Seriously, the media really need to knock it off. I am so sad to say I live in a society that seems to thrive on taking rumor or just anything they feel like saying and dragging someone’s good name through the mud. Prince Rogers Nelson was active in the industry from 1976 until his sudden and sad death a month ago in 2016, that is 40 years. He was active in an industry that is rife with scandal every day for 40 years and guess how many scandals he had? If you are having to think real hard about it you have the right answer. Prince had no drug scandals, no sex scandals, none of the usual things you see in the industry.

Now he was by no means a perfect person, no one is and he certainly had eccentricities, but they were nothing compared to the scandals we have seen over the years in the industry. Oh yes, since his death the rumors and stories and drama have been crawling all over the place right down to a supposed long term drug dealer who supplied a heavy habit. It is simply ridiculous. Of course, all this crap is getting laid out now because they all want 15 minutes of fame and of course The Purple One can’t defend himself, although chances are he would have just let people keep yapping their mouths and not dignified their crap with a reply. Prince was eccentric, but the man was also a class act.

I did see an amusing post on a web forum the other day which seemed to be thinking the same I was, what is with all this BS coming out? The poster then also asked for people to think of what they thought was the biggest scandal in his time active in the industry. Here are what the answers included:

– performing the “Dirty Mind” songs on stage in his underwear?

– performing “Gett Off” on MTV in assless pants? (IMO the best MTV award performance ever! Dat ass looked GOOD)

– the 1985 “We Are The World” incident, Prince’s refuse to be participating? (I got nothing but you know…not everyone has to say yes to every single thing. Even if it is a good cause. 1985 was boomtown for The Purple One and as Lionel Richie recently said “That’s just Prince, of course he isn’t going to show up in a room full of singers when we want him to.” Everyone else can call it what they want I understand the Artist side of things as to why that would not feel like a creative yay for Prince.)

– removing a youtube video of a dancing baby, dancing to “Let’s Go Crazy”? (his right to protect copyright)

– the threats and lawsuits against fansites? (Prince always was very tenacious about his copyrights there is nothing wrong with that after the way he had to fight go own his own music he had every right to be. Beyond that he loved his fans and these things were not done out of malice)

– to sue piratebay together with Village People? (Far from the only artist to ever have gone after pirate sites)

– the Lotusflower.com $77 payment fiasco? (Not his fault. It was an overall shaky thing that happened, but he was not directly running the website or the charges happening and P.S he made sure folks were refunded)

– Changing his name to a symbol (yeah, some people thought that was over the edge. Was it odd? Sure was but when you look closely at the WHY of it you really see it as something that makes sense.)

– Darling Nikki being the cause of Congressional Hearings is a pretty big scandal. (Yeah, all I could do was face palm at that one. But parents got a parental advisory warning out of it lol)

– Writing slave on his face (it goes along with the symbol thing understandable once you know more about it.)

That is it pretty much. None of it really screams scandal either most of it is just eccentric stuff. He was an interesting one of a kind person. 40 years in an industry that’s tag line is literally sex, drugs and rock n’ roll pretty tame list.

Yet now the media is all over the place, especially with the drug accusations. It is getting tiresome. Very tiresome. All of it bothers me, but what bothers me the most is the hospital in IL going on about the “save shot” given days before his death and everyone else focusing on that as well. First of all talk about HUGE HIPAA violation. Medical professionals aren’t supposed to confirm if a patient is in the hospital let alone discuss their treatment. Why does it always seem someone is willing to break that law when it comes to celebrities. Secondly the “save shot” also known as Narcan can be given if a medical professional thinks an overdose is the issue, that does not always mean that IS the issue. I will use something that happened in my real life as an example.

Many moons ago (okay like 9ish years) a dear friend of mine was visiting me in Minnesota. She got very very sick and was loopy and nearly unresponsive after several days of not feeling well. I did like a smart person should and called 911. Paramedics and fire arrived and did what they do and all throughout they kept asking me what drugs she was on. They were downright rude about it and only stopped short of calling me a liar. I told them all the medications she was on and showed them the bottles. See she has a mental illness and needs a lot of medication for it, she does not do street drugs or abuse the medications. On and on they went about what she took and then off they went in the ambulance. I found out later when I arrived at the hospital, she was given Narcan, because they were convinced she was on something and it was the course they felt they should take. Better safe than sorry right?

Guess what? Later, after the hospital ran all their tests and such, it came back that she was indeed not on any illegal drugs or overdosed in any way. Instead, her kidneys were shutting down. Causing a backup in her system and causing the confusion and other issues.

So even if Narcan was given that does not mean it was drugs. Being as he was suffering from a very bad flu and possibly other things it is not unthinkable, he was having respiratory issues due to that. Of course, none of us know what happened and whoever is supposedly talking about his treatment from the hospital is not giving much information. Surprise, surprise. So I firmly land that in the rumor category. As well as the seriously people shut the hell up about it because there are privacy laws! PRIVACY is important and it was super important to Prince, he valued his privacy imagine that kinda like oh most people do. Just because someone is famous does not mean we as a society have a right to stick our noses in every nook and cranny of their life. They deserve just as much privacy as the rest of us.

So media.. back off. Leave the man alone and most of all wait for the damn autopsy results to come back before you keep slinging mud.

and just because i can


May25

When you think of the bad guys on TV there are many. Jeoffrey is probably one of the most universally hated characters in all of land of fiction. I mean people literally threw parties over the purple wedding. I mean I know I did! I still grin about it, little bastard had it coming.

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And then I have really always disliked this guy, Brutus is not the actor Tobias. That is more a personal thing for me however.

brutus

I am a Caesar girl, always have been, always will be. For reason of history and past lives, all of those kind of things. So of course the moment he was announced as being Brutus in HBO’s Rome I just had to dislike him. But really, in the grand scheme of things, Brutus was not all bad. He was in fact pushed to it by the people around him. So I do understand that and for his part Tobias is an amazing actor and he really did convey the turmoil that Brutus went through.

Then he showed up on TV as this guy.

BlackJack

To be fair, he of course also plays Frank but he has had much more screen time of as Black Jack Randall. Possibly the most evil man in the history of book’s and now TV. He is truly a man who has no soul. He does the most vile and terrible things and really does not care at all for anything but his own pleasure. He truly takes joy in destroying people, playing games and getting what he wants. What he does to Jamie, the way he toys with Claire and what he does to poor young Fergus. It does indeed make for riveting TV, but it also makes for very hard to watch and uncomfortable TV. Very uncomfortable. I know what things are coming myself and I still find it very, very hard to watch some scenes.

That is of course the sign of excellent acting. Tobias, who is a very kind person in real life, very gentlemanly and really would never even dream of causing someone any harm. As my friends and I sometimes jokingly say, he is what is a typical Brit, ever so polite and will tell you sorry if he so much as gently bumps into you. With all of that known you see him as Jack Randall and he really does convince you how evil he is, even his eyes have that look of someone who is dead inside. No light, except for that light of evil.

That all hit home once again as I watched perhaps the most heartbreaking Outlander yet. As Jack Randall once again completely destroyed Jamie and Claire’s life and they are left to pick up the pieces of a shattered life. It drives home the hate again. Even though I knew full well what was coming I sobbed for nearly the whole episode. While of course Jamie could have made a different choice and Claire also could have made other choices, it really boils down to the evil festering wound that is Black Jack Randall finding more and more ways to tear their life apart. Of course you know even despite his own wound given to him by Jamie is probably a small price in his mind. He likely even enjoyed it knowing that sorry bastard.

I for one very much look forward to the day that bastard is dead. There will be an even bigger party, then there was for the death of Jeoffrey on my end at least. At least there is some good news in all this sorrow and sobbing. Black Jack Randall will not win. He may break Jamie and Claire down and rip them apart, but they always come back together. They find one another again in that darkness that he creates and like a broken bone, they mend and then they are stronger then they were before the break happened.

JamieandClaire

This is what makes the story of Outlander so compelling or at least one of the reasons. Outlander is a true love story full of all the blood and grit and tears that comes with real life relationships. Black Jack Randall though, he just keeps getting nastier and just when you think you can’t possibly hate him anymore, he does something like he did with Fergus.

Good TV for sure, now I have to go dab my eyes some more because Faith is an episode I will never be able to watch without feeling emotional. I think that goes the same for many Outlander fans.


May24

I try not to copy to many articles here to the blog, but I felt this was a very important one to put out there. It should be posted every where and shared as many times as it can be. Anyone who knows me for even a short time knows how much I love my pit bulls. They are wonderful, fantastic, loving, loyal little characters who get such a bad wrap.

Source

The Myth of the “Dangerous” Pit Bull

It is one of the enduring myths that only the most contemptible and boasting toughs strut around with these “dangerous” dogs or, more often, keep them as chained up, captive prisoners. And yet, like Bumper and Willis, millions of pit bulls live happily and peacefully every day with their families. They are dogs, like all other dogs, enjoying life.

According to the American Temperament Testing Society, Inc., which tests dogs for stability, aggressiveness, and friendliness, the American Pit Bull Terrier achieved a passing rate of 86.8 percent, which is better than collies, golden retrievers, and beagles, ranking pit bulls fourth in highest passing grades of the 122 breeds tested. Pit bulls have been bred for companionship and have always been admired for their rock-solid and even temperaments.

Cindy Marabito, founder of Reunion Rescue, a nonprofit that saves as many pit bulls as it possibly can, says, “Pits were bred to be human-friendly. The goal was to be able to reach into the pit (for fighting) and grab the dog without getting bitten…. They bond to their humans and make crummy watch dogs because they are so people-friendly.”

And with their legendary desire to please, pit bulls are often the dog of choice for the depraved— dope dealers, thugs, and illegal dogfighters, with their horrific mistreatment and jackboot tactics, making a living abusing, torturing, starving, and trying to make vicious these magnificent and highly sensitive dogs. Often, the most loyal are the most victimized, done in by those whom they love the most (it is well-documented that in the ring, dogs will fight to the death to please the one cheering him on). Such abusers create deadly situations, and what may provoke a dog bite is more about environment than genetics.
Pit Bull Injustice

As Karen Delise writes in The Pit Bull Placebo, pit bulls are the targets of “every type of positive or negative emotional and physical circumstance humans are capable of imposing on dogs,” thus the emergence of “canine profiling,” or breed-specific legislation (BSL), also known as breed-discriminatory legislation (BDL), with its sudden seizures and killings of dogs in many towns and cities around the country, whether innocent or not, friendly or not, pit bulls or not.

Bans don’t differentiate among the various individuals labeled as pit-bull types, belonging to the bully breed. (A pit bull is not a breed but a commonly used term to describe an athletic-looking class of terrier that includes the American Staffordshire Terrier, American Pit Bull Terrier, Staffordshire Bull Terrier, and mixes of those breeds. There are over 25 breeds of dogs who are routinely mistaken for pit bulls).

As John Adams famously said, “facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.”

According to the National Canine Research Council (NCRC), based on a study from the Center for Disease Control, there is no scientific evidence that one kind of dog is more likely than any other to cause harm to a human being.

South Dakota’s Sen. Dan Lederman, who introduced the bill that will create equality among all breeds in the eyes of the law in his state, said, “The fact is, a dog’s breed has nothing to do with how the dog behaves. Dog bites are not a breed problem.”

Indeed, they are a negligent or reckless guardian’s problem. Many have long recognized that it is the humans behind the dogs who must be held responsible. As Sen. Lederman concluded, “This legislation takes the focus off Petey [the beloved pit bull from “The Little Rascals”], and puts it where it belongs”—on the guardians of animal companions. “It’s part of being a good steward for the animals in our care, and part of being a good neighbor.”

Bad Guardians, Good Dogs

It was dogfighter Michael Vick, who awoke the world to the horrifying physical and psychological ravages pit bulls endured. With the signing of Vick, to the New York Jets, in March, Tessa Stuart in the Village Voice, wrote, “In addition to plunking down $34,000 to buy the Smithfield, Virginia, property where dozens of dogs were chained to car axles buried in the ground while they fought, sometimes to the death, in front of betting spectators, Vick and his co-defendants admitted to killing at least six (but perhaps as many as eight) dogs who did not display sufficiently aggressive traits during the ‘testing’ process. Several of those dogs were shot; at least two were hosed down, then electrocuted.”

In the backyard, there were graves of pit bulls Vick fought or had been torn apart serving as bait dogs during practice. Those who managed to survive were found beaten, starved, tortured, and chained to concrete slabs. After much public debate, they were not euthanized, because, as Malcolm Gladwell, wrote, “The betrayal of loyalty requires an act of social reparation.”

Here is the other side of the equation: the history of pit bulls is crowded with beloved companions — the iconic Petey, war heroes, poster dogs — pit bulls were so revered that the U.S. Military used an image of a pit bull on war posters — television stars, savers of lives, companions to such celebrated personages as Helen Keller, Humphrey Bogart, and Lauren Bacall, among innumerable others.

Let me enumerate all the ways in which pit bulls contribute to society: heroic and life-saving work with autistic children, law enforcement, animal-assisted therapy, search-and-rescue, nursing homes and hospital visits, drug detection, to name but a few. Mary Tyler Moore’s life depends upon her pit bull Spanky letting her know when her blood sugar gets perilously low. “He helps me with my diabetes—he can sense when something’s not right… He will come and sit and stare at me until I do something about it.”

In an act of great courage, a pit bill called Weela saved her human brother’s life as he was about to be ambushed by a huge rattlesnake, who then sunk his fangs into Weela’s face. A few years later, Weela saved the lives of 30 people, 29 dogs, 13 horses, and 1 cat. Heavy rains caused a damn to break on the Tijuana River and Weela pulled 30 to 50-pound loads of food across the river to a tiny island to feed the stranded animals the entire month they were there.

And there is Dakota, one of the most highly rated search-and-rescue dogs ever to wear a badge. Her reputation is so glittering that NASA requested Kris Crawford, Dakota’s guardian, and Dakota to assist in the recovery of the astronauts after the 2003 shuttle tragedy. Dakota and her two canine siblings, Cheyenne and Tahoe, are also certified hospital therapy dogs. Kris fiercely believes that the public needs to be enlightened about the real spirit of the pit bull. On her site, ForPitsSake.org., the banner reads: Where Heroes Are The Pits.

I used to take my pit bull, Brownie, with the velvety white tummy, and galactic brown eyes, dappled with flecks of gold, to the local nursing home, where he was greeted by a huge gushing of oohs and aahs and lots of cooing, where elderly hands patted his enormous head and rubbed his belly and treated him like a prince, so enthralled by his lofty status.

These elderly residents became so excited by his visit that now a few remembered their own dogs, sometimes as far back as their own childhood, and were thrilled to tell stories about them, while all the time playing with Brownie, whose tail wagged wildly as he moved slowly from one resident to the other, giving kisses and licks, making everyone feel good and loved.

Brownie was there to please and, for these elderly citizens, this humble pit bull was a divine being, an angel to remind them of blissful reveries. Brownie passed away at the age of 15, in December, and this is my tribute to a perfect companion.

This article really puts it so well. Pit bulls are amazing dogs, they are family dogs and they are forgiving dogs. The dogs that were taken from Michael Vick, many of them found homes afterwards and were much loved members of the family. Many have passed on since then knowing love and peace in their final years. Others are still doing good work and making people aware of how wonderful pibbies as I call them are. One of my favorites is Mr. Handsome Dan of his own Rescue.

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photo credit Handsome Dan Rescue

I am proud to be the mom of pibbies and I find it tragic when people walk away scared of my dogs. They are loving and friendly and always wiggling their tails. If I was a PR agent, I would take pibbies on for free because they really do need a better set of press given to them. People need to know they are blaming the wrong end of the leash when they blame the dog. It is people that turn them into weapons.

Of course you will always get the people who claim, but what about the newspaper reports and all of that. Ever notice that when a child is bitten, they were unattended with the dog? A recent story I read about a little girl who was hurt was standing in the dog. Yes standing on the dog. Once again this is the fault of the people, parents in the case of children. Even the sweetest dog on the planet can be reactive. If you pull on their tail, ears, stand on them ect they will react! I have never met a dog that did not give very clear warning signs before they bite. It is very rare that a dog will not tell you they are going to bite, dogs are bottom line as a statement honest. Their body language doesn’t lie. Children for the most part do not know how to read the signs and sadly they get bit, even sadder is because they are little even a mild bite can be terrible. What you don’t read about is how often kids are bitten by many kinds of breeds of dogs. Often times if the bite isn’t a pit they won’t publish or they do and the breed was stated wrong (you want to know how many dogs get called pits that aren’t anything related at all? LOTS). That is not to say pibbie’s don’t bite ever, they do, but 99.9% of the time I would still blame the human.

So next time you see someone trying to avoid a pibbie, try to let them know they are nice dogs and to give them a chance. I know my sweet babies would be more than happy to wave at you, give a dance for you and of course give lots of kisses!!!!!

paris-pitbull-kissing-booth

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May23

I am SO behind in TV show’s that I am just now cottoning on to Rupaul’s drag race, even though it’s just wrapped up it’s been on for 8 seasons now. Whoops! With that said I am mad I missed it before now and I am working hard on catching up with binge watching. I have come away with a few things, the biggest one being Ru can be an evil witch sometimes! I say that with love! Some of the challenges on this show are just cruel and fun to watch happen.

The other is something I already knew from attending drag shows in Minneapolis, Queens are super talented. Some are jack of all trade types and some are better at one or two things. Either way there is talent all over the place. Yeah, some of the makeup is way way way way over the top and some of the costumes are cringe worthy, but for the most part you must just love it all. After all drag means dressed as a girl (drab is dressed as a boy) and they really are meant to go over the top with it.

I do not watch much reality TV, but I am hooked on Rupauls drag race and so not sad about it. I found my spirit animal after all…Bianca del Rio.

She is so mean and yet…so funny. She is also mean to herself if you watch the Rupaul roast in full. At least I can catch up on the Drag race while working. Always makes me happy to be doing two things at once.


May10

I have really been such a bad blogger already this year. Pretty much every goal I set out at the start of the year has fallen away but that is what happens when you are dealing with life right? Be it hectic work schedule, the need to be creative away from the computer or anxiety attacking you from all sides what can you do?

The first thing I am doing is forgiving myself and allowing myself some leeway. I tend to be very hard on myself especially when it comes to goals that I miss. I am trying to get better about that because while I may fail at some goals, I am soaring at other things. Yes I may not be blogging as much or reading as much, but I am crocheting up a storm and writing in other places. Being a Mummy and all of that.

I have to accept as much as I would like there to be more time in the day there is only 24 hours and I must find a place to sleep somewhere in everything I am doing. Right?

So I am trying to be gentle with myself and accept that I just can’t do everything even if I want to. May seem like a simple concept but when you have general and social anxiety it is not as simple as it seems.

And I hate having anxiety. I am however endeavoring to be kinder to myself. That is one goal I have no intention of leaving by the wayside.

I am also working hard on taking back things that my long emotionally abusive marriage took away from me.

Emotional abuse is something that is harder to see then physical abuse. It is something that is more subtle and there are many who still think it is not a form of abuse at all. Or that those who fall into that trap are weak.

Victims of any form of abuse are not weak. I know I have always been a strong and independent person and it still happened to me. I think one of the big reasons emotional abuse is so misunderstood is because people do not know what to look for as a sign of it and while this list is certainly not one size fits all the following 30 things are pretty good indicators of emotional abuse. Especially when you see more then one of them happening. If you or someone you know is dealing with this do not be afraid to seek help. Don’t be ashamed it is not your fault someone is doing this to you, but you can break away. You can do it. You can heal and take your life back. It is possible.

1. They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front of other people.

2. They regularly demean or disregard your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs.

3. They use sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.

4. They accuse you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks.

5. They try to control you and treat you like a child.

6. They correct or chastise you for your behavior.

7. You feel like you need permission to make decisions or go out somewhere.

8. They try to control the finances and how you spend money.

9. They belittle and trivialize you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams.

10. They try to make you feel as though they are always right, and you are wrong.

11. They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language.

12. They regularly point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings.

13. They accuse or blame you of things you know aren’t true.

14. They have an inability to laugh at themselves and can’t tolerate others laughing at them.

15. They are intolerant of any seeming lack of respect.

17. The repeatedly cross your boundaries and ignore your requests.

18. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.

19. They call you names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath.

20. They are emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time.

21. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want.

22. They don’t show you empathy or compassion.

23. They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility.

24. They disengage or use neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you.

25. They don’t seem to notice or care about your feelings.

26. They view you as an extension of themselves rather than as an individual.

27. They withhold sex as a way to manipulate and control.

28. They share personal information about you with others.

29. They invalidate or deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted.

30. They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.

16. They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame others, and have difficulty apologizing.

17. The repeatedly cross your boundaries and ignore your requests.

18. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.

19. They call you names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath.

20. They are emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time.

21. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want.

22. They don’t show you empathy or compassion.

23. They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility.

24. They disengage or use neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you.

25. They don’t seem to notice or care about your feelings.

26. They view you as an extension of themselves rather than as an individual.

27. They withhold sex as a way to manipulate and control.

28. They share personal information about you with others.

29. They invalidate or deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted.

30. They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.

I think some of those who are emotionally abusive do not see what they are doing, they perhaps have a great deal of their own issues which have never been dealt with in a healthy way and so they act out in this way. While others like my ex know exactly what they are doing, have done it more then once and will likely do it again.

I mean the man was married twice before me (yup I was number 3), cheated on all three but always blamed the woman for his cheating or for why things didn’t work out. Only common factor was him. Wife number 4 is not likely to fair any better, after all if they are willing to cheat with you they will cheat on you. Had I known about the cheating on the first two wives before me I never would have gone past the first few dates because that was already a well established pattern of behavior on his end. Hindsight is 20/20 right?

My life is better now without him. While I may have my issues I have a lot to be happy for and I am. I just have to keep reminding myself that when a goal passes me by, to be kind to myself. It happens. Then take a moment to look not at what didn’t get done but everything else that has been accomplished. Life & blogging are important to me meaning my Life is important to me and my blogging is important to me. So are many other things. I can find a way to make it all work hand in hand.


Apr04

I have to say I agree with this stance 100%. Those of us who make these items really need to stop saying things are easy when they just aren’t. Yes it may seem easy because we have taken the time to learn the skill needed to make these items, but that is something that can happen within any profession and or hobby.

Here is the source article

I’ve officially decided that knitting and crochet is not easy. Its difficult. And while I’m knitting my way through a very easy pattern to make a shawl that will fit no mater what size it comes out to and use up whatever amount of yarn I have, I hope you’ll join me in conveying to the world that what we do requires both skill and talent.

Let me go off on a seemingly unrelated topic for a bit. In my previous life, when I was married, I once made my future-ex-husband homemade cinnamon rolls from scratch for his birthday. It was the first time I had ever made cinnamon rolls and I followed a recipe I found in an issue of Sunset magazine. The making of these rolls took me about 6 hours from start to finish. I had made 13, so I ate one, packed up the other twelve, and delivered them to him at his office.

He was amazed. The one person whom he let eat one of his birthday cinnamon rolls was also amazed. They could not believe I had pulled this off. They looked at me like I was The Earth Mother.

Why? Because I lied my butt off. I told them

“Yes, they were pretty hard to make.”

“I had two failed batches before this one came out”.

“Its an old recipe I got from my mom”.

“You like the frosting? Yeah, I use a secret ingredient to make it so yummy.” (I doubled up on the vanilla extract.)

Those two guys really appreciated those cinnamon rolls. They begged me for more. I don’t think they would have fawned all over me If I had said “Oh it was easy. You could make them yourself if you wanted to.”

There was a lesson in there and I’m just now getting around to learning it. Lying can pay off. Those two guys probably could not make cinnamon rolls on their first try from a magazine recipe. They lack all the skills a person would need to pull that off; skills that I have. I’ve done lots of baking. I’ve followed lots of recipes. Experience has taught me that if one teaspoon of vanilla is good, two teaspoons will be better.

So getting back to knitting and crochet, its not easy even if we make it look that way. Yes, 90% of most humans over the age of 10 could figure out how to make chain stitches if they sat and concentrated for a few minutes. But most people can’t concentrate like that, not even for just a few minutes. Most people quit after one or two tries.

However you learned to make knit and/or crochet stitches, you had to not only concentrate but you had to take information that was presented one way and apply it kinesthetically. That’s fancy teacher-speak for the student got the information and then applied it in a physical demonstration. Whether you read the instructions for making purl stitches in a book, or watched someone make a cluster stitch on youtube, you had to translate that into what to do with your hands. Trust me when I say applying information kinesthetially is not something everyone can do. If you’re knitting and crocheting then you can.

If you are making anything more complicated than a square washcloth, you are mentally keeping track of a dozen variables as you stitch. Are your edges lining up? If not, why not? Is this going to be the right size? How is your tension? Too tight? Too lose? All over the place? This is called meta-cognition (again with the teacher-speak) and in this case I use it to mean you are constantly self-monitoring. Using meta-cognition, keeping track of your own progress, your own understanding, is a sign of an evolved mind. Students, of any subject, who monitor their own understanding and self-adjust have a much higher rate of success. And all knitters and crocheters do this.

Then there is following patterns. Oh boy. If you can follow a pattern then you are reading a modified, abbreviated, or possibly graphical version of language and translating that in your head into English (or Russian or Cantonese, or Swahili). It takes literacy skills. Its very much like (don’t run off on me now) reading mathematical formulas. Patterns have their own symbols and abbreviations and their own set of logic rules, like math does. If you can read, understand, and follow patterns, then you have robust literacy skills… and are probably better at math then you give yourself credit for.

Finally, to be a successful knitter or crocheter you have to be determined. We all rip back. We all start over. We all don’t give up. Maybe its stubbornness and maybe its foolhardiness and maybe its not a skill (per se). But stick-with-it-ness is not a common trait. If you’ve ever finished a project that needed two or more skeins of yarn then you have done something most people could not do even if they were offered money.

If you’re reading this blog then you can knit and/or crochet. Chances are that you will find learning a new stitch or a new cast-on to be pretty easy. But only becasue you are a knitter/crocheter! To the non-knitter/crochter Judy’s Magic Cast On looks like freaking magic.

And I’m saying we let them think that. We should actively encourage those non-crafty types to think that what we do is hard. Between ourselves we can say “Oh this bind-off is easy. Here let me show you”. But to the rest of the world, its all hard. It takes skill and practice and we had throw two failed sweaters away before we managed to make you this nice one.

You know what? I think if we lied our butts off embellished a little, the recipients of our handmade gifts would appreciate them more. If we can convince the giftee that we are, in fact, The Earth Mother/Father, then the matching hat and scarf set they just got for their birthday is down right special. Amazing. Maybe even a bit magical.

Trust me… they are happier when they think that. Really, we should all start playing up the mystery and exclusive nature of our talents not becasue we are stuck-up braggarts but simply to make the people in our lives feel special. We do this for their benefit, not ours.


Mar07

RENT

A week flew by and I missed posting on here..yikes well there will be more posts this week….I hope. In the mean time there is music to be enjoyed on Musical Monday.

I know I am way late for this one and I have not posted much since losing Watson but here is some good music and it is never to late to enjoy a good song right?


Feb10

WatsonDivaSassy

I have not done much blogging for a while. Either here or my book blog. While that goes against my goals for the year I don’t think it matters all that much because of the reason for it. My beloved rescue dog Watson was sick for sometime. He seemed to rebound for sometime but then he took a turn for the worse. The end diagnosis was Bile Duct Cancer. A very aggressive and hard to deal with cancer in dogs. It rarely if ever ends well. Watson held on as long as he could. He was such a good boy. Never complained about a thing and just wanted to spend time with his Mama and cuddle.

Eventually though a choice had to be made. As long as he was not in pain or suffering I was content to spend as much time with my boy as I could. Cuddling him, loving him and cherishing him. I knew he would not be with us much longer and I wished to make every moment he was count. The time got closer, he was telling me he was about done fighting. Bless him I could even tell he felt bad about that as well. He was the kind of sweet boy who never wanted to trouble anyone at all. Then last Thursday he was showing signs of discomfort and pain. That was the last sign and the final choice was made. Within an hour of his first signs of discomfort we said our last tearful goodbyes. The way to the vet he was cuddled in his favorite blanket and we road with the top down in the car. Watson loved the top being down and the weather had come out for him perfectly nice for it. People smiled at him from their cars, one man said he looked very happy. There was a large group of people on bicycle’s waved at him as we drove past. It made me smile and cry at the same time.

When it came time. I stroked his ears like he enjoyed and I looked into his eyes. I could not hold back my tears even though I knew he never liked to see me cry. But I told him what a good boy he was, how much I loved him and that I would see him again. That he could rest now and not to worry Mommy would be okay. I would miss him but I knew I would see him again. He went quickly and peacefully in my arms.

I miss him. My Watson with his spotty dotty ear. He was a good boy. A gentleman always, we called him the Tom Hiddleston of dogs. It was perhaps the most apt thing we could say about his sweet personality. The house and pack as a whole was changed. A heavy energy hung over all of us and my sweet girl lost her spark. She missed her bubby. Trying to do everything to make her happier again we were doing car rides every day, little errands but she loves car rides. We finally made a choice to take two big bags of dog food down to the shelter where we got Watson and donate them in his name. That was the only intention that we went with.

Then there was a nudge. A little push a feeling, to go look in the kennels. I follow such feelings and so I went. Many sweet babies were looking for homes. To help my sweet girl to perk up a bit we did a meet and greet with a lovely friendly boy named Caesar. She perked up and had fun running and playing and yet nothing clicked or tugged and Caesar failed the cat room test. He was a good dog a sweet boy but not everyone is meant to live with kitties.

Then there was a whisper about a boy that might fit, a boy who was never noticed by anyone he was not doing well in the situation of being in a kennel. A boy who was used as a bait dog and had been in terrible condition when he was found. There was that little push. I agreed to meet him. There he was in the same kennel my Watson had been in. Folded in on himself, a cone of shame from his neuter on his head. He didn’t even want to come to greet me at the kennel door. A broken soul who had given up. Another little push.

This lovely boy was brought out (without his cone) to meet with my girl. She lit up. That spark was back in her eyes and she was wiggling all over the meeting area. Then a tentative little wag from the broken boys tail. Accepting pets from my hand. A tentative smile and then he looked into my eyes. This beautiful soul wanted to trust, to love to know what love was. He was scared but in those Amber eyes there was a desire and a want to feel like he could trust a person again. Another little push.

Olly has been with us for two days now. Already he is starting to blossom. He is learning to trust, to love we see him smile and wag his tail. Things that are perfectly normal for a dog, but for a dog who has had the start to life that Olly has had these are milestones. Wonderful milestones. He sleeps with me or with my girl, cuddled bonded part of the pack. He had his first trip to the dog park today and he came alive. He ran, he played, he wagged his tail, he greeted both dogs and people.

Olly still has a road to travel. You can see the scars on his face and legs still, he still needs to gain weight and the scars of the soul will take time to heal as well. But they will all heal. He will thrive and get better. My girl did, my Watson did and he will too. Thank you Watson for leading me to this boy who needed my help. Thank you Watson for helping to lift your Mummy’s heavy heart a little bit. Thank you Watson for making the energy in the house feel right again by this.

I miss you my boy but you have given of yourself again to make sure that life continues.

OllyfirstPark


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