Hello my name is Ambrosia and after some careful searching of myself and looking at the last week and a half/two weeks of my life I have realized I am the emotional punching bag to many of my friends. I have also realized that it needs to stop. I feel bad for posting another down toned blog post but that is what this blog is here for and I just need to get it out. One of my very dearest friends was hospitalized last week in mental crisis after several weeks (maybe more I didn’t analyze to far back) of using me as an emotional punching bag. My own mood has been very down because of the constant heaping on I have had going for a while from several directions but I am trying everyday to pull myself up by my bootstraps and keep going on. However, I really need to find a way to find a balance. I really do.
I love the people in my life, as an introvert and just because of who I am, if I have chosen to keep you in my tight circle it is because I love you. I want to be there for you and support you and do everything I can. However, there needs to be balance give and take. Or maybe I just need to be better at telling people to please take some issues elsewhere. Of course the handful of times I have done such or similar in the past I have been called names, told I am not a good friend and all of that. After a great deal of reading looks like that is just another form of using someone as a punching bag.
I know I am not the only one out there, I have found several articles and posts that could have easily been me talking. Such as this one.
So, I know this is definitely a situation a LOT of people are in. Who knows how it happens, perhaps it’s just people who have a generally level-headed attitude, but we end up as the people that everyone dumps all their problems on. This is not a bad thing, per se. I myself enjoy being able to help my friends (or complete strangers who profess their horrifying life issues. It happens.). In general, you can bounce their ideas back and forth, help them figure out how to get through tough times or offer an outside opinion, and they will walk away better off and with more perspective.
But then, you get the folks who are just looking for someone to use as an emotional punching bag. You may be familiar with them, they like to rant and rave and scream and shout, but whenever you offer advice they completely disregard it and then respond by talking about how helpless they are, how much you probably hate them for having problems, etc. This just happened to me today, and it hit an extreme that I can’t even handle anymore. ~ Source
At the end of the day I really don’t know how to stop being the punching bag because I want to still be supportive to those I love. Surely there has to be a way to find a happy balance and I hope I can find it. I know at this point I am just rambling but sometimes it is a good ramble that can help clear the head and allow you to move forward. At least that is how it works for me. Granted basically being told I am the reason someone is in the hospital by someone else in their life, when all I do is take the emotional attacks and hits..doesn’t help.
So just to get it out there and off my chest and not flinging anything at any particular person/people because it just all lumps together after a while and I am not trying to attack anyone. I am merely trying to get my own thoughts, feelings and emotions out. My issues, which while may have root with those I love and care about is not something I would just say “Hey you know what your a …. so so and so for making me tired of such and such.” It isn’t like that. I just need to get some of the things I am weary of off my chest. Doesn’t mean I don’t love people or want to be there for them..just means these are things that are starting to make me cry.
Getting dumped on, constantly and not being able to return the favor.
Being told what do you have in your life to be upset about.
Being told I have no sympathy/time/understanding/give a damn for your problems.
Being emotionally used and then cut off.
Being financially used and then cut off, with a good heaping of the emotional slugged in on this one too (I am getting better at telling people NO on this one).
Being lied to about stupid ass shit.
Being blamed for someone else’s emotional state.
Being blamed for someone else who has clear emotional problems (which involve crisis plans and Real Doctors and diagnosis) down swing.
Being attacked when I express my feelings on what is going on in a situation.
Not being allowed to be sick (someone else is always sicker)
Not being allowed to be tired (someone else is always more tired)
Not being allowed to enjoy some happy moments because they get dumped on with negative all over the place.
Being made to feel bad about what I have in my life, much of which is a blessing and even more so has been worked for with sweat, blood and tears.
Being the one to chase people down for conversation and get told I don’t do enough, don’t care enough am in short not enough.
Being made to feel like an insane person for expecting basic things from people.
Being left holding the bag.
Being left being responsible for other peoples commitments.
Whew, okay off my chest. Hopefully I can find a balance now that I am looking more closely at some relationships in my life. When I chose to care and love someone, I don’t just toss them. It isn’t in my nature. I also would never toss someone because they were having a hard time, we all have them and while things may be different for everyone it makes no ones struggle less then.
So now that I wrote all that it is time to go back under my blankets and try not to hack up a lung. Hopefully I won’t get any fall out from making this post, but that might be a bit to optimistic.
Tags: Emotional, Friends, Punching bag
