I long ago decided I was an introvert. I prefer small parties to large, I prefer my group of people to a room full of strangers and I would much rather curl up at home with a good book then go out and party down like many seem to enjoy doing. The problem is I want to be more social and meet new people, so I am constantly battling my own instinct to just curl up and keep to myself. It is not an easy battle and it has some footfalls and downsides that come along with it.
A case in point with my journey into trying to be more extroverted (my goal is for Ambivert ) is joining a local Knit Night. Once a week a group of gals (men allowed to I think..if they wish to come). I really enjoy Knit Night and I Have gone twice so far. Alas my natural introverted nature can sometimes bubble out in nervous energy when I get excited about a topic I will talk a bit louder then normal. That bit me in the but on my second outing for Knit Night, and I was asked if I could lower my voice by another group member. Now mind you it was done VERY politely and I take no offense whatever about being asked. I comment only because of my embarrassment on the issue. I apologized profusely and kept a very mindful watch on my tone and volume after that. It made things a little less enjoyable for me but that was not anyone’s fault. It is all part of me learning and trying to be more extroverted and make more friends. This seems like a pretty tight knit group and I do like the ladies in it. So I hope I can overcome my issues and make more friends.
While working on research on how I can help myself with this process I found an interesting article and blog of another introvert.
Here are his 10 Myths about Introverts.
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.
I found this very interesting and I had to ask myself due to the last one, Am I trying to fix myself? The simple answer is no, I am not. I am simply trying to get myself some more friends that I can hang out with. I have friends all over the world via online and pen pals. Some are close, some are not but all of them are in the “friends” category, which is Great! I love it! However, I would like to make more friends in my local area. I would like to be able to sometimes go out and hang out with them. I have found it is easier for me to do this in ways like I have started doing now, a common interest group. At least going in you know you have one thing in common already!
So fingers crossed that my Knit Night continues to work. I really do enjoy it even if I have only been twice so far. I may take the step to see about finding a second one or a book club that reads books I enjoy. So far the two book clubs I have casually looked into have picked a bunch of dud books, lol. That is a whole different blog post though.
(just that secondary note on number 2. I know it wasn’t meant on purpose with my last get together)
Tags: introvert, knit night
I _Love_ the “How To Care For Introverts” jpeg! Every one of them is true for them, especially 5, 6, 7. And six isn’t even for “expected changes” in my life – anything that is a change in my routine, I really need that notice. I beg my son to give me at LEAST a day for any baby sitting requests – he laughs 🙂
I love it too because I feel it is SO true. We aren’t impossible (i have been told I am impossible several times when it comes to changes) we just need a little special handling sometimes.