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Day 71
It’s way past midnight when Jim finally shows up. McCoy is in bed already, not really sleeping, but trying to all the same.
Jim tries to be quiet and fails. And that’s when McCoy realizes things are really fucked up, because usually Jim can do quiet with the best of them.
“Damnit,” he sighs and runs a hand over his face when he catches sight of his best friend. He should’ve known it would happen.
Jim leans heavily at the door. He’s pale and sweaty and his clothes are dirty as if he has fallen repeatedly on the way. The worst part is the look in his eyes though. McCoy’s stomach clenches painful when he recognizes the complete and utter defeat he sees there.
“Jim …”
“My dad …,” Jim whispers, almost audible, and closes his eyes. And McCoy kind of freezes in mid-step, because Jim never mentions his father. Never. It’s like this big thing everybody knows about, but nobody ever talks to Jim about, because … you just don’t. “He could’ve done it. He would’ve saved us … and he would’ve died anyway. And I can’t even save people when it’s just a stupid simulation. I’m such a screw-up.”
McCoy swallows and it takes some time until he’s able to speak. There are a million things running through his head, things he could say now. Things Jim really needs to know. That he is not screw-up, but the best thing in this whole fucked-up academy. That he needs to stop comparing himself to a dead hero, because yes, he is going to be a hero one day, but not a dead one, never, because McCoy is going to be there and will make sure of that.
But he doesn’t say any of this. Jim is way too drunk to listen to reason right now. Instead he gently grasps Jim’s arms and steers him over to the couch.
“Go to sleep, Jim,” he orders softly, helps him lie down and unties his shoes.
“Promise, we’ll try it again?” Jim’s voice sounds drowsy and painfully young. “Bones? We’ve got to try it again. Can’t fail …”
“I promise,” he says and means it, because there’s no way he’s going to let Jim do this shitty simulation on his own.
He covers him with the fuzzy warm blanket Jim is so ridiculously fond of and goes back to bed. It takes hours before he’s finally able to fall asleep.
Day 72
The sky has already gone dark and McCoy is studying when Jim walks in the room, with a bloodied nose.
God damnit, Jim! I need to learn!, McCoy wants to mutter, because, god damn it, he’s got to read this xenobiology book for like yesterday, and it’s really difficult. But he knows Jim is still reeling from the Kobayashi Maru test and who the fuck thought it would be a bright idea to let Jim of all people takes that test anyway? Stupid Academy with stupid no-win scenarios and stupid Jim to fall into that stupid trap with open eyes.
McCoy doesn’t curse when he asks if Jim broke his nose. Jim shakes his head, but McCoy would be a fool if he takes Jim’s word at face value every time his personal wellbeing is concerned and he slightly touches Jim’s nose.
“Ouch.” Jim tries to take a step away from him, but McCoy stops him.
“Don’t be a baby,” he chides him and stops to touch Jim’s nose again. “It’s not broken.”
“Told you so.”
McCoy sighs and sits down again. “Go, take a shower.”
Day 73
Jim is gone by the time McCoy wakes up, slightly disorientated since he’s not in his bed and somebody had thrown the green blanket over him sometime during the night. Well, seems like that somebody was Jim. McCoy yawns and then realizes that it’s the beeping of his intercom that had woken him. Turns out he’s politely asked to do an extra shift in the emergency of the Academy hospital, because one of their doctors got sick – and isn’t that irony.
McCoy is occupied with bandaging a sprained ankle, when he hears the voices through the curtain on the far left side of the room.
“I don’t need paink – “
“Son, it will help.” That’s the voice of good ole’ Dr. Carter and McCoy has to smile, because nobody has gotten his way with him yet.
“God, just wrap me up and I’m good to – “ McCoy frowns, he knows that other voice as well.
“You have three broken ribs, son. It’s a miracle that you didn’t puncture a lung with you all up and around.”
McCoy leaves a flabbergasted cadet with a half-wrapped bandage and strides angrily to the curtain.
“They’re just broken, for god’s sake.” The voice takes a petulant tone. McCoy knows that one only too well.
“You should have come here first thing yesterday, son!” Dr. Carter is now saying.
“Would you please stop calling me son?”
With a fast movement McCoy draws the curtain aside and looks at the surprised face of Dr. Carter and at the even more surprised one of James fucking T. Kirk. Only that the surprise fades as fast as lightning and then Jim smiles that brilliant smile of his, as if nothing is wrong in the world.
“Hi, Bones!” McCoy wants to throttle him. The guy doesn’t even have the decency to look ashamed.
“Jim,” he snarls and Dr. Carter takes a step back.
“You didn’t say that you’re on duty today.” Jim actually dares to dangle his feet from the bio-bed.
“You broke your ribs?” His voice is dangerously low.
“Yeah?” Jim looks as if he has no clue why McCoy is angry.
“Uhm … I’m going to leave you two alone for while, okay?” Dr. Carter says and draws the curtain behind him.
McCoy takes a deep breath to keep his calm.
”Hey, wanna grab something to eat when you’re done?” Jim asks and tries to put on his shirt.
Screw McCoy’s calm. He rips the shirt out of Jim’s hands and throws it to the side. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?” He knows he’s yelling and using wide range gestures that threaten to push Jim from the biobed, but right now he doesn’t care. Would serve Jim right if he gets some additional cracked ribs.
“Whoa, Bones – “
“NO!” He jabs his finger at Jim’s chest, probably not the wisest move judging by Jim’s pained yelp. McCoy feels oddly satisfied by this. “Don’t you Bones me! You come to me for every single cut and bruise you get, you stupid son of a bitch! Just last week you came running because of a stubbed toe! And yesterday? YOU DIDN’T SAY A FUCKING WORD! NOTHING!”
“You were studying,” Jim murmurs.
“YOU COULD HAVE PUNCTURED A … What?!?”
“You were studying and I don’t have a broken nose, which is what you had asked me.”
Sometimes, Jim’s logic is surprisingly … logical … but still screwed six ways to Sunday. McCoy sits down next to Jim.
“You’re unbelievable, you know that?” He sighs.
“Are you,” Jim sounds hesitant. “Are you angry? I mean, still angry?”
“No.” He stands up again, grabs Jim’s shirt and hands it to him. “Just … God.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Next time, you come to me with this stuff, okay? Not just the baby stuff. I’m here for … for the big stuff as well.” He hopes Jim gets the whole meaning of this sentence, not just the mere words. Because even though has no clue why Jim is so reluctant asking for help, hell, even accepting help, McCoy will offer it to him nevertheless. He doesn’t know what else to do.
Jim looks at him and there’s this expression on his face, as if it has been a long time since anybody said something like this to him. “Okay.” His voice is quiet and without the usual mischief in it and McCoy nods. Then he dresses Jim’s torso and helps him into his shirt before they leave the hospital together.
Day 74
Go figure that McCoy wakes up and has a headache from all the crap he has to put up with from Jim fucking Kirk.
From his place on the couch Jim notices the frown between McCoy’s eyes as soon as McCoy blinks against the sunlight shining through the window.
“Headache?” He asks and McCoy just nods. Jim carefully rises out of his sitting position and fills McCoy a glass of water.
“How are the ribs?” McCoy asks after nearly drowning all of the glass and handing it back. “You slept okay?”
“I’m fine. And you could have let me go to my own room yesterday.”
McCoy just snorts. “As if you would have rest as ordered there … and you practically live here anyway. So I don’t mind … and this way I get to be sure you’re taken care of.”
If McCoy didn’t know it any better, he’d say that Jim actually started to glow a little bit at his words.
“Well,” Jim tilts his head, “looks I’m the one to take care of you today.”
“No, I can – “McCoy tries to sit up, but the room is dangerously spinning around him and his brain feels like a horde of elephants found their resting place there.
“Whoa, easy there.” Jim reaches out to steady him. “Lie down again, will you?”
McCoy grumbles, but complies and gets rewarded with Jim’s hand running through his hair. It feels good.
McCoy spends the day sleeping with the occasional break because Jim gets him to drink some more water or makes him eat a bit of soup. McCoy has no clue what Jim does the whole day when McCoy is sleeping, but he’s sure Jim doesn’t leave the room and whatever he does, he does it really quietly.
McCoy would never say it, but he’s thankful for both of these things.
Day 75
“He still hasn’t filled that complaint, right?” The melodic sing-song-voice is strangely familiar and McCoy turns around, surprised. It’s late at night and his shift is almost over. He feels still kind of worn out and tired because of yesterday’s headache and all in all he wants nothing more than to crawl into his bed.
“Uh … hi,” he says. And then: “What?”
The girl in front of him smiles. “I’m Ria, in case you don’t remember me. We talked recently about this stubborn friend of yours. Jim Kirk. We are together in hand to hand combat.”
“I know,” he hastily reassures her. “Of course I remember you.” He honestly does remember her now and he’s still genuinely grateful that she called him that day. Jim, the stubborn idiot, never would’ve. “What did you say about the complaint?” He asks, when his brain finally catches up with him.
And just as he says it an almost forgotten memory pops up in his head.
‘Bent is an asshole and he picked Kirk as his favorite object to teach us a lesson, because Kirk had him nearly on the floor the first week … Your friend should complain, I’d back him up.’
“Wait, is that about Bent again?” He asks incredulously. “Hand-to-hand-combat-Bent who gave him the concussion? This Bent? You mean, he still picks on Jim?!”
“You saw Jim yesterday, right?”
McCoy stares at her and begin to feel cold. “You mean, the bloody nose, and the broken ribs which could’ve punctured his goddamn lungs … ,” he stops and tries not to yell at her. It’s not her fault anyway. “Are you telling me that was Bent?” he asks, feeling deadly calm all of the sudden.
“Well, I’m not sure …” she raises her hands apologetically. “All I’m saying is that he gives Jim one hell of a hard time and after last practice he asked him to stay. For some …” she makes quotation marks with her fingers, “… private lessons. I offered to stay with him, but he refused. You know how he gets and …”
“Yes.” McCoy swallows, tries to imagine Jim being alone with some sadistic bastard named Bent and feels nauseous. “Yes, I do know.”
“Look I’m really sorry, I don’t mean to cause any trouble for him, but he just doesn’t listen to me, or any of us for that matter, when we tell him to fill complaints against Bent. And it gets worse and worse every week. I know guys like Bent. He won’t stop until something really bad happens. You’re his friend, right?” Her soft sing-song voice sounds intense and pleading. “You need to stop this.”
He stares at her and sees Jim, goddamn, bloody idiot, who never tells him anything but rather gets beaten down to a bloody pulp, because of some misplaced sense of pride and honor.
“I will,” he whispers, “I swear, I will.”
Day 76
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He demands as soon as Jim comes into his room. “Why didn’t say you something? Anything?”
Jim blinks. “Tell you … what? And hello Bones, by the way. Nice to see to you, too.” He still moves carefully and unusually slow and McCoy is sure his broken ribs hurt like hell underneath the brave facade. Strangely it makes him feel even angrier.
“Don’t play games with me!” He all but growls. “Don’t you dare, Jim, don’t you dare!”
Jim stares at him and starts to raise his hands defensively. “Okay? Obviously I’m missing something here. What did I do? I’m sorry, man. Whatever I did, I’m really sorry, I’m sure I didn’t mean it?”
McCoy takes a deep breath and tries to calm down. That’s not the way to go and he knows that. Being angry only ever makes Jim defensive and gets him nowhere on the long run. His anger is more directed towards Bent and not at Jim anyway.
“Please,” he says slowly and Jim looks actually startled at his suddenly soft voice. “You need to tell me what happened in hand to hand combat with Bent. Please, Jim.”
Jim freezes almost instantly. He swallows and his eyes widen. Seconds tick by without any of them saying anything. McCoy refuses to break eye contact for even one second, because he’s kind of scared that Jim is going to bolt any second now if he dares to look away.
But he doesn’t.
Eventually Jim breathes out and his shoulders slump. Slowly he walks to the couch and drops down. “You talked to Ria,” he states. It’s not even a question.
“She talked to me. But yes.” McCoy nods and carefully sits down beside him. “Don’t be mad at her. She was really worried about you.” So am I, he thinks, but he doesn’t say it because it would only result in Jim trying to deflect his concern.
“I know. I know.” Jim nods miserably and avoids meeting McCoy’s eyes. “I didn’t mean to make them worry. They exaggerate, though. Ria totally blows it out of proportion. I swear, it’s not so …”
“Don’t say it’s not so bad,” McCoy interrupts quietly but firmly. “I had enough opportunity to admire his handiwork during the last few weeks. So don’t tell me it’s not bad. Just … don’t.” He swallows and tries to calm down. “You know it is and he deserves to be expelled. I just want to know why, so I know if I should kill him first, before I accuse him of assault and abuse of his position.”
Surprised, Jim raises his head and stares at him. “You would … why would you …?” He stammers, sounding surprised and in awe all at once.
McCoy sighs softly, because that’s something Jim should know by now. “Of course I would. I would do it in a heartbeat if I knew you’d let me.”
“But why … I mean, it could be my fault, for all you know,” Jim points out.
“No. It couldn’t,” McCoy answers firmly. “Whatever he told you, he’s a liar and a bastard. But you are my friend. And that’s what I know for sure.”
Jim lowers his head, still looking confused as if he doesn’t know what to make of McCoy not blaming him for it.
“Jim …”
“No. I … I can’t … not right now … please, I need some time to think.” He runs his hand over his face, looking desperate and at a loss like a little kid. It makes McCoy’s heart ache and it really makes him want to kill Bent. Slowly. Instead he forces himself to nod.
“Whenever you’re ready,” he tells him and he really hopes it’s sooner rather than later, because this thing with Bent – whatever it is – it can’t continue. He won’t let it.
Day 77
“Why what?” Jim asks the next evening. He looks nervous, like a spooked colt. As he sees McCoy’s questioning look, he clears his throat and specifies: “You said … yesterday, you said, you wanted to know … why. Why what?”
“I meant, why don’t you tell anybody?” McCoy answers carefully. “Why didn’t you at least tell me? Why do you keep letting him do this to you?”
“You don’t …” Jim wets his lips and averts his eyes. “You really don’t think it’s my fault for being such a brat?”
“Oh, you are a brat, I’ll give you that.” He instantly regrets it when he sees the way Jim flinches. “But you don’t deserve this crap. If that’s the excuse he tells you, that’s nothing but bullshit. Don’t tell me you believe this? Is that why you don’t want to tell anybody?”
“No. It’s not. I … don’t. I don’t. I’m just …” Jim shakes his head and swallows repeatedly. “It’s just … the things he says … I don’t want you to hear it. I don’t want anybody to hear it. But … especially not you.” The last few words are nothing but a whisper.
“Why?” McCoy asks gently. “Why don’t you want me to hear it?”
Jim licks his lips. “Because I don’t ever want you to look at me and … wonder if it’s true.”
For seconds McCoy is rendered speechless. The raw emotion in Jim’s voice makes his stomach churn. “Jim, I know you. Whatever he said is bullshit and I’d never …”
“He says I sucked dick to make it into the academy.” Jim looks startled and scared as if he can’t believe himself he just said it out loud. “That I’m just a pretty face with no brains and no talents. That I’m just here because of my … of my father,” he continues and closes his eyes. “And he said things … about me and Pike … and I didn’t, I swear, it’s not true! And I just couldn’t let him talk like that. Not about Pike!” He raises his head and looks at McCoy desperately, pleading. “People might think … and it’s not true. I don’t want them to talk about him like that. He doesn’t deserve this.”
Neither do you, McCoy thinks, but his throat feels dry and closed up and he swallows hard, before he’s able to speak.
“Nobody’s going to believe this crap, Jim,” he states firmly. “Not about you and not about Pike.” Not the people who count anyway, he thinks. All the academy trash, all the preppy school idiots and bullies think that way already. But they don’t count. They’re not important. Not as important as Jim’s well-being.
“But if I fill a complaint everybody’s going to know! And I don’t … I can’t … no.” He buried his face in his hands.
“Jim …”
“No, you don’t understand!” He sounds agitated. “Pike … he’s the only one … he’s the first person ever, who believed in me. Who gave me a chance. He gave me this chance and I can’t screw it up. I can’t do this to him.”
“Not the only one,” McCoy whispers.
“What?”
He turns around and returns his look, sure and steady. “He might be the first one who believed in you and this makes him a very bright man in my opinion. But I swear he’s not the only one who believes in you, Jim. He’s not.”
Jim’s eyes are suspiciously bright. “Bones …”
“No, Jim, listen to me.” He reaches for him. “If Pike really is the man you think he is, he’s going to be on your side. Maybe we should just go and talk to him and tell him everything. Then it’s up to him to decide.”
“We?” Jim sounds choked.
“Of course ‘we’.” McCoy sounds almost affronted. “You think I want to miss meeting the guy who is obviously the only one who recognizes the best goddamn cadet on the whole academy when he sees him? Yeah right, buddy, I don’t think so.”
And if Pike is not the man he hopes, he is … than at least McCoy is going to be there to pick up the pieces.
Day 78
If the circumstances wouldn’t be so sad he would almost think it’s funny. Jim acts like a boy trying to impress a date. He wears his best uniform and he’s all nervous and tries to cover it up with acting nonchalantly. In a way McCoy feels as if Jim is just about to introduce him to his father, which is kind of so wrong on so many levels. Only that it’s kind of … not.
And then they sit in his office and Captain Pike looks all kinds of calm, intimidating and imposing and McCoy has a short second of panicked ‘What if he’s not going to believe Jim, what if he turns out to an ass, what if …’
But it turns out he has nothing to worry about.
Captain Pike is surprised at first to see Jim, but not unhappy. He proves to be exactly as smart and matter-of-factly as McCoy suspects he is when he cuts the small-talk and gets to the point in mere seconds.
“What’s going on, Jim?” He sounds serious and throws McCoy an inquiring, almost suspicious look as if he tries to estimate him. “Did anything happen?”
McCoy instantly likes the underlying protectiveness he detects and he tries not to smile. He relaxes ever so slightly.
“It’s my fault,” is the first thing out of Jim’s mouth.
“It’s not,” McCoy states calmly. He nods encouragingly at Jim. As he sees Pikes questioning look, McCoy raises an eyebrow as if to say ‘See? This is what I’m here for’. The only answer he gets is something that looks surprisingly like a smile.
Good. This means they’re probably at the same page here.
The smile vanishes as soon as Jim begins to talk. The whole time he doesn’t look up and doesn’t meet Pike’s eyes, not even once. Captain Pike doesn’t interrupt him. He just listens.
Jim has a hard time explaining and he tries to plays it down, makes Bent seem like an overeager supervisor instead of a sadistic asshole. Only it’s not working so well. It makes McCoy’s intestines churn and makes him feel almost lightheaded with anger, even though he knows most of the story already.
When he’s finished, it’s silent for a long time. Something in McCoy aches to squeeze Jim’s shoulder just to show him he’s here and supports him no matter what. But he isn’t sure if Jim would appreciate it right now. So he firmly clasps his hands in his lap and forces himself to wait.
When Pike finally speaks his voice is calm and his face is unreadable. “Jim.”
Jim flinches barely noticeable. “Sir?”
“Jim, look at me.”
Painfully slow he raises his head, looking stiff and tense. “Yes, sir.”
McCoy holds his breath.
“Thanks,” Pike says, sounding completely sincere and very serious. “Thanks for telling me this.”
Jim’s eyes widen in surprise. “Excuse me, sir?”
“Thanks for trusting me enough to tell me this,” Pike clarifies. “I promise I will take care of it. You don’t have to worry about Bent anymore.”
Jim looks completely amazed. “You … believe me? Just like that?”
“Yes, I believe you.”
And McCoy can tell he does, because underneath the calm facade Pike looks tense and angry and agitated, but not at Jim. McCoy smiles because he kind of gets the feeling he wouldn’t want to be in Bent’s shoes when Pike is finished with him. That’s a good thought and it’s the first time since Jim told him what happened that he’s able to fully relax. It’s going to be okay. He doesn’t know how he’s going to do it, but he believes Pike when he says he’s going to take care of it.
When they’re about to walk out of the office, McCoy satisfied and Jim still looking confused and completely in awe, Captain Pike calls him back.
“Just a word, Cadet McCoy.”
“Sir?”
For seconds Captain Pike says nothing, just looks at him as if he’s trying to see something. When he suddenly starts to smile it’s almost a surprise.
“Keep that up, Cadet.”
And McCoy doesn’t even have to ask what he means. He returns the smile.
“Yes, sir.” And inwardly he adds ‘always’.
Day 79
“Funny thing happened,” a melodic voice says behind him.
McCoy doesn’t even have to turn around to know who it is. “So?”
“Yes. You won’t believe it. Turns out Bent is not teaching hand-to-hand-combat anymore.”
“Really? No way.” He smiles.
Ria nods enthusiastically. “I heard some rumors that he got a promotion. One that he absolutely couldn’t turn down.”
Surprised he raises one eyebrow. “What kind of promotion?”
Her grin widens ever so slightly. “Rumor says he got transferred to Aldor IV to teach hand-to-hand-to-combat.”
“The Aldorians have eight arms,” McCoy states.
She nods. “Well, I guess, that means he’s going to have a really hard time teaching hand-to-hand-combat.”
“Well, I guess that’s true.”
They share a secret smile.
Day 80
The next day he changes the bandages around Jim’s ribs when Joanna calls.
Turns out she’s not only missing her dad, but her newfound uncle Jim, too. Since she insists on waving him, Jim steps in front of the com and waves at her. “Hi, Pumpkin.”
“Uncle Jim, are you hurt?” Her lower lip starts to tremble traitorously as soon as she catches sight of him. “What happened to you?”
And maybe McCoy should’ve thought about that, because she’s right. Jim still looks kind of rough with the bruises and bandages all over his torso. Before he can calm her down though, Jim starts to speak.
“Nah, don’t worry.” He smiles softly at her. “I’m completely fine. We were just playing doctor. Your dad needs some practice every once in a while, you know?”
“Oh.” That’s seems to sound plausible to her. “That’s fine then. I play doctor with my dolls,” she tells him. “When I grow up, I’m going to be a doctor. Just like dad.”
McCoy clears his throat, tries to say something and completely fails. As if he can read his mind Jim turns his head and smiles softly at him and then back at his little girl.
“This,” he tells her, “is the best idea ever. Doctors are awesome.”
She giggles and McCoy can feel himself blush.
