Born in the Tundra of Minnesota, I have since become a bit of a Gypsy. Currently calling home base the hot sands of Arizona, I do still travel often. Whether the journey is a physical one, or one taken by reading a fantastic book it doesn't matter, the fun is always in the adventure. As always I am an eclectic person that likes a wide array of things and has many passions. Creating, advocating for animals and Mothering just to name a few.


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The Purple Booker







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Apr
19
Posted by

My crochet has not been going as quickly as it normally does or as I would like it to. I am behind on projects as many who read already know. It makes me sad I really don’t like being this behind on gifts (Yule) though I do know everyone understands. I love crochet, it is a place where I can feel content and Zen like reading only my hands are always busy as well, which is a big deal for me. I feel better if my hands are busy and being useful. I have been busy there is no doubt about that, I usually am. That isn’t the only reason why crochet has been slow recently.

You see, it seems lately that my mind turns to just about anything else to do before it turns to crochet. Spring cleaning, organizing lists, organizing supplies, organizing anything, testing and making new products (a to do task anyways but still) and other things. If you asked me a few minutes before this post why I thought I was doing that I would have shrugged and told you I have no idea. It is true, I had no idea until a few minutes ago when Dutchy sat down on one of my Yule gifts that I picked up to make myself work on it. I do love the project but I have to make myself work on it. So why?

I miss Cubby so much and that feeling hits me more when I pick up my crochet projects. Sometimes it hits so hard that I can’t see through my tears. I feel bad that I seem to downplay how hard the loss of my Pasha sweet has also been, I miss him so much too. So very much, but Cubby was Cubby. He so rarely left my side. He was my barnacle. Sure, it could be annoying sometimes, but his comforting, warm, sweet presence was always welcome. His unflagging love was always cherished. His sweet purring and moments of knowing when I needed him to be even a little closer I just never looked past a time where he wouldn’t be with me. I could not picture my life without him. Which is silly, of course, because eventually we do lose those loved ones in our life, four pawed and two pawed as it were. Yet I just never looked beyond.

Now that presence is not with me all the time. I still walk at a slower pace so he can follow along, I still pause before turning around from a counter or fridge ect because he was always right behind me. I still wait for him to climb into my lap and adjust whatever project I am working on to fit around him. Cubby adored sitting on my crochet projects. He loved taking part in that zen time for me and of course he liked snuggly warm yarn as well. I still have the crochet, but I don’t have him. I think that is why I end up putting the project away after such a short time now. Especially the holiday ones, as they were of course started when he was still here, still testing them out giving them his approval.

I am sure it will get easier as time passes, but for now it doesn’t feel like it. The world will turn and life goes on, but in the darkness of the night or the quiet moments of the light I stand still because I miss him so much.


Apr
06
Posted by

I have not watched a Knights Tale in sometime it was a regular rotational watch with my dear friend Vere. I have tried of course many times to watch it in the last year and a half, but I always put it back on the shelf because it feels wrong. I miss my friend. Why then as I haven’t watched the film in so long did the love letter from the movie come to mind you may ask?

 

Simple,  I miss my dear Cubby and of course sweet Pasha as well. I miss Pasha just as much truly I do but the hole where Cubby was often seems more tender at times. I suspect it is because as cuddly and loving as Pasha was and he was indeed always there when I needed him, he was also fairly independent. He would go and cuddle with others in the family as well, just in general he seemed to keep his own bit of a schedule. Cubby was forever and always by my side. On the occasion he could not come with me on errands or journey’s he would curl up upon my bed and wait. I had to face time him sometimes on longer trips just to keep him from getting to upset and worried.

 

So I always would find myself reaching to pet him as I always at various times throughout the day it was just a habit I picked up over our long years together. I did this again today and of course he was not there. That is when I found myself softly saying “I miss you like the sun misses the flower. Like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. Instead of beauty to direct its light to the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has banished me to.”, as Wat did during the scene where they are writing the letter with William. So many heart strings tugged and never a truer comment has ever been said. It is also true for Heath and Prince… those who inspired as well as tagged along as life trundled along.

It is okay to miss those who are gone, it is okay to allow the pain to stop in your tracks here and there. It is not okay to let it completely consume you so that you stop. The world will keep turning no matter what. I have to remind myself in these moments.

 

 

Dear Jocelyn,
It is strange to think,I have not seen you in a month.

I have seen the new moon,but not you.

I have seen sunsets and sunrises,but nothing of your beautiful face.

The pieces of my broken heart can pass through the eye of a needle.

I miss you like the sun misses the flower.Like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter.

Instead of beauty to direct its light to,the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has sent me to.

I next compete in Paris.I’ll find it empty and cold if you’re not there.

Hope guides me.It gets me through the day and especially the night.The hope that after you leave my sight it will not be the last time I look upon you.

With all the love that I possess…I remain yours…

The knight of your heart.

William.

 

 

 

 


Jan
07
Posted by

 

I was so excited to find something this week to act as a prompt. To be able to write again and see if anyone else wanted to play along. Alas the universe had other plans this week. I have had an utter lack of any kind of inspiration this week because on Monday our family said goodbye to my beloved Pash Pash kitty. It has left a giant bleeding hole in my heart and others too.

Pasha was such a sweet boy, mischievous but loving. He enjoyed snuggling with just about anyone he met.  Life with him was a true blessing. He was not feeling well for a day and a half, before he suddenly just took a turn. I had planned on taking him to the vet right away when they opened, but when he took a turn, when I saw his distress I had to run him to the emergency vet. Of course I have written all of this in my previous post about grief. No sense in telling the entire story again. I feel silly repeating even here, but for this week because of this my Pash Pash has taken my creativity with him. I am sure it will come back, he would not want me to be without it. Pash Pash enjoyed hours upon hours of sitting in my lap while banged away at the keyboard writing one thing or another. He would then sit happily in my lap snoring as I did some crochet. Beyond that, of course, even when I was writing letters to pen pals there he was happy to snuggle and occasionally make a swat at the pen I was using. Many pen pals have gotten letters with random swipes and big blops of ink and me writing sorry about that it was Pasha trying to help.

I will see him again  know that, just like I know I will get my “mojo” back. Alas, it is just not going to happen for now. Perhaps maybe next week. Now it is time to close as Dutchy stares and yells at me.

 

 


 

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