People claim they are trying to be supportive and there for me yet they get all butt hurt when I answer in an honest yet slightly guarded way. Like seriously? Leave me here with my damn comfort food and I will just eat my feelings away thank you. I don’t need any wishy washy support, I need real no strings attached I am here for you even at your worst support. I am sure some reading this will think this is aimed at one particular person but it’s not. It is a clear and honest shot across the bow of all of those in my life who say they are there for me and love me and are my friends and are trying to be supportive and then they snap at me because I don’t meet their expectation of what I should be saying. There is more then one of you and you all know damn well who you are. For the record I can’t help but wonder if those who continue to do this sort of thing ever stop to think perhaps it is the fact that any time an honest less then sunshiny answer is given there is a price for me to pay and I am tired of paying it. So sometimes it is just easier to say, I’ll live which is an alternative and more honest answer then I am fine when obviously I am not.

Over the last two years I have been making a serious work of trying to take back things that were taken from me. Two years before that I started making pushes and efforts to embrace other things. I won’t go in full detail here but for me to accept things and take back things about me has been a long and hard process. Like it is for anyone who goes through it I am sure. For the most part I have made strides towards my goals I feel, and yet I have a long way to go. Sometimes it would be a great deal easier to just be “normal”,  there are so many days that I think if I could just fall into a role that society would see as normal and live in that small box it would be so much easier.

Not that it would make me any happier, of course. Being something you’re not only sets you up for more pain in the end of things. Yet much like the Queen, whom one of my dear cousins has decided to call my alter ego, I was taught what seems like eons ago to conceal. Yes, perhaps it was not the exact same way that Elsa learned and was told to conceal herself. Leading to never ending anxiety.. which of course manifests itself into freezing an entire land in eternal winter. Yet the effect is the same. Once again, I find myself feeling like I said in an early post on this blog. I must always be the strong one, the independent one, the perfect one.

 

 

I do have many blessings in my life and I will be the first one to tell anyone that. I am blessed in so many ways. I have love, a roof over my head, food in my belly and clothing to wear. I can even indulge in some hobbies and pastimes when I have actual time to do so and am not working. I know there are so many people who do not have all of these things. There are people in this world who are suffering. I understand that and I try not to be petty. However, because I have these things, does that mean my life is perfect? No, it doesn’t. No life is perfect as no human is perfect. Moreover, the grass is always greener on the other side of the pasture. Just because all some see are the lush green blades of grass doesn’t mean there are not weeds, trouble spots and other unpleasant things to be had.

 

The beauty of the castle that was created through Queen Elsa’s castle cannot be denied. Many who look at it will only see the beauty and the fact that it is a castle. They will forget that while indeed it is these things it was a fortress from the world. An ice gilded cage in which the Queen could hide herself away from the world. The only way she felt comfortable being whom she truly was meant being completely separate from the world, from everyone even the sister whom she loved. Because she had been taught that to be herself around people was a terrible thing. Being herself meant that she harmed her sister. Being herself meant that those around her who saw the beautiful power she wielded would be scared of her. They would fear that power she was born with, lash out at her because of it. Some small few might covet the power for themselves and trap her even further so they could have her kingdom. Fear and jealousy are nasty things that seem to travel together in a pack finding every weak point in the prey they seek and hitting those weak points as hard as possible. Even the strongest among us will eventually buckle under the strain.

 

 

At any rate. I digress and have gone on another long ramble of emotional vomit, apologies to all and sundry who take the time to read it. I really should go back to just putting the happy things of life on the internet. This post when I originally opened the page was intended to make an announcement that I was thinking of bringing my pen/paper/ink reviews back in some form or fashion as J said he missed them. I didn’t think anyone really paid much mind to them back when I used to do them. The last one I did was in 2017, good grief a lifetime ago (and omg the blog design I had on that blog…designed myself so not razzing any designers oh what was I thinking). Alas, things happened as I settled in to write the blog post and this is what we are left with.

I apologize to the readers of this post. Perhaps the announcement will come on a different and a better day.

I am fine.

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, the title may confuse some of those who know me, trust me that is not how I actually feel. Sadly, I did something that you should never do….. I “interneted”. Having a brain that would not calm down enough for me to even focus on a single thing on my to do list that I should be doing, no my brain was having too much fun thinking of new things for me to do.

Normally random Google searches for me are fairly safe. I look up photos of art, cats or things that might go along with the inspiration my brain is having. This time it seemed simple enough, safe enough once more looking at a very favorite topic, fun and different takes on Elsa. Oh, sometimes I really should learn not to click.

An article topic popped up along with a photo about a sexy moment that everyone missed from the movie. I personally found there to be a few, but not missed, just typical Disney over kids’ heads there for the adults items. Especially during the big crescendo moment of Elsa becoming her own Queen. I really, really should not have clicked.

The link took me to a Huff Post article (yes first sign I should not have clicked), it was of course by now several years old 2014 but hey it would kill some time to read it. I am face palming myself as I write this now. If you are interested in reading the article yourself (I beg you not to click but in the interest of fully showing and sourcing) you can read it here. I am going to make it fast and just quote the part that has me face palming the hardest.

At the song’s emotional climax, as Elsa is about to see the sun rise for the first time from the balcony of her new crystal palace, she suddenly sees fit to express her freshly unleashed power by giving herself… a magical makeover. “Let it go/ Let it go/ That perfect girl is gone,” she declares as she ditches her old look (a modest dark-green dress and purple cloak, hair in a neatly tucked-up braid) for one that’s arguably even more “perfect.” By the time she sashays out onto that balcony to greet the dawn, Elsa is clad in a slinky, slit-to-the-thigh dress with a transparent snowflake-patterned train and a pair of silver-white high heels, her braid shaken loose and switched over one shoulder in what’s subtly, but unmistakably, a gesture of come-hither bad-girl seduction.

Now. I am not saying that all movies for children should be ideologically scrubbed clean of any hint of sexuality. Nor am I immune to the fantasy—one that’s surely not limited only to women—of vanquishing one’s demons and tapping one’s reserves of inner courage while also looking like a million bucks. But I know I’m not the only one who feels a familiar sense of deflation every time that pulse-racing song (delivered so gloriously by Menzel) culminates in a vision of female self-actualization as narrow and horizon-diminishing as a makeover. It’s a moment I recognize from too many movies in my own childhood—Grease was one, The Breakfast Club another—in which the “good girl” goes over to “the bad side” thanks to a quick cosmetic fix-up (Olivia Newton-John’s big slutty perm and skintight black pants! Ally Sheedy’s tragic de-Goth-ification at the hands of Molly Ringwald!). These moments always bugged me as a kid, because they seemed to be last-minute reversals of the foregoing movie’s message, which was that the character in question (Newton-John’s virginal Sandy, Sheedy’s glumly eccentric Allison) was fine just the way she was. To be sure, Elsa’s conversion into a glammed-out ice diva does differ in important ways from those earlier onscreen makeovers—for one thing, her transformation isn’t meant to impress any specific suitor, and in fact Elsa (unlike her younger sister, Anna) ends the movie without a romantic prospect on the horizon.

 

I just….I mean….seriously? WHY?! She is all ,outraged about a makeover? Moreover, she seems to think that just because a woman owns her own sexuality, her own beauty and does something just for HERSELF that she is being a “bad girl”. Since when did embracing your own sexuality become the same thing as a bad girl? Sadly, I know the answer to that is a long time ago. Just as she pointed out, the good sweet little “virginal” stereotype is alive and well in movies and TV. So of course, a woman who has less tidy hair and a stunning gown that is indeed also sensual and sexy, well of course she is a BAD girl. I mean come on here.

Elsa at a very young age was taught to be afraid of her power to be afraid of who she was literally. She was told to conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them see. Bad parenting award there by the way, even if it was born out of their own fear and misunderstanding. There have been some great debates over the parallels of what Elsa’s power is being shown to be. The obvious on screen power, of course, is her magical abilities, but many have also drawn parallel lines between that and her sexuality, that she is forced to hide her beauty and sensuality ect. There are a lot of other parallels and all I am going to say is well done for those who see those ones. The moment when she runs away because of her own anxiety and fear having come out and the people being afraid of her is heartbreaking. It is also what happens when you are told to hide who you are, you become afraid of yourself. So that moment when she finally embraces it and also gives herself a makeover into what SHE wants to be. Yeah, it is sexier and less buttoned up there are more parallels there you know. Elsa is not doing this for anyone but herself. Elsa is not doing this for a man like Sandy did in Grease, Elsa is embracing her own power and who she is as a woman as a Queen.

This writer and I use the term loosely is trying to rag on one stereotype while happily trotting along with another one and frankly it chaps my rear end. I know I shouldn’t get so concerned about it, the post is from years ago and doesn’t actually hurt me any but yeah I am just seeing red. Sexuality and sensuousness a woman with her own power and strength of will and sensuousness should NOT be seen as a BAD girl. She is a strong woman who is not afraid of ALL of her powers.

Now, do I think it is a great thing for young girls to be rolling their hips seductively. Well, no I don’t think it is the best thing in the world. HOWEVER, scolding them and teaching them to hide it is not the right answer. If they are young it can be presented in a way to them about needing to be older to move like that, or something along those lines. Older girls should be able to be talked to rationally about it. We should NOT teach our Daughters to be afraid of who they are in any fashion and that includes embracing their womanliness, their hips, the sway all of it.

I am sure some who read this will be going, well now if our girls act like this they are asking to be raped, or asking for trouble. I refuse to live in that kind of fear. I know that society is terrible about sexual harassment and rape, you really don’t need to tell me about that. Once more I say, however, teaching girls that the way to avoid these things is to hide their sexuality is only perpetuating the damned problem. It is NOT a girl or woman’s fault when she is sexually assaulted. It is also not a boy or mans fault when he is. Society needs to chuck that crap out of the window and lay down one simple firm line. Sexual harassment or assault is the fault of the perpetrator NOT the victim. Women should never have to get that, well if you didn’t wear that or if you didn’t drink this or didn’t do that or whatever speel. I know I am guilty of falling into some of those things I have been taught by society, but I am working HARD to break free from them and I will not teach it to the next generation if I can help it. This is not Utopia so of course common sense should be applied, but we need to stop victim blaming. I don’t care if a woman is walking stark naked down the center of the road, that doesn’t mean you get to touch her and that she is asking for it.

Moreover, we need to teach our boys not only the right way to act, the right way to treat a woman and No means No but that they too can be hurt. Everyone knows that the numbers of how many women who report sexual assault is appallingly low, but have you looked at the statistics for men? Did you know that 1 out of every 10 rape victims is male? Did you know studies have shown that 90-95% of male rape victims don’t report it? That is compared to the 85-90% of women who don’t report, lets face it is is not much better, but I suspect the number for men is closer to 98-99%.

So, yeah, maybe Elsa let loose and became a little bit sexier embracing who she was. What is so wrong with that? She is an adult and while yes, it is a kids movie, it isn’t like she stripped down naked and started finding every man she could to have fun with. Not that I personally think there is anything wrong with that either, just not in a children’s film. Women like the one who wrote this article are part of the problem not the solution. It is reading crud like that which makes me sad and ever more fearful for society.’

*Takes a Queenly step off her soap box*

Sorry about the long winded rant, but I had to get it off my chest. Right, time to let it go.

 

Yeah, see what I did there 😉 always good to end on a light note.

** This soap box moment that jumps around a bit within the topic brought to you by sleep deprivation and stress. Check back for next weeks edition. **

 

I am NO MAN!