No Saturday Sanc this week. Just a moment of remembrance for the year that has passed since Prince passed.

My crochet has not been going as quickly as it normally does or as I would like it to. I am behind on projects as many who read already know. It makes me sad I really don’t like being this behind on gifts (Yule) though I do know everyone understands. I love crochet, it is a place where I can feel content and Zen like reading only my hands are always busy as well, which is a big deal for me. I feel better if my hands are busy and being useful. I have been busy there is no doubt about that, I usually am. That isn’t the only reason why crochet has been slow recently.

You see, it seems lately that my mind turns to just about anything else to do before it turns to crochet. Spring cleaning, organizing lists, organizing supplies, organizing anything, testing and making new products (a to do task anyways but still) and other things. If you asked me a few minutes before this post why I thought I was doing that I would have shrugged and told you I have no idea. It is true, I had no idea until a few minutes ago when Dutchy sat down on one of my Yule gifts that I picked up to make myself work on it. I do love the project but I have to make myself work on it. So why?

I miss Cubby so much and that feeling hits me more when I pick up my crochet projects. Sometimes it hits so hard that I can’t see through my tears. I feel bad that I seem to downplay how hard the loss of my Pasha sweet has also been, I miss him so much too. So very much, but Cubby was Cubby. He so rarely left my side. He was my barnacle. Sure, it could be annoying sometimes, but his comforting, warm, sweet presence was always welcome. His unflagging love was always cherished. His sweet purring and moments of knowing when I needed him to be even a little closer I just never looked past a time where he wouldn’t be with me. I could not picture my life without him. Which is silly, of course, because eventually we do lose those loved ones in our life, four pawed and two pawed as it were. Yet I just never looked beyond.

Now that presence is not with me all the time. I still walk at a slower pace so he can follow along, I still pause before turning around from a counter or fridge ect because he was always right behind me. I still wait for him to climb into my lap and adjust whatever project I am working on to fit around him. Cubby adored sitting on my crochet projects. He loved taking part in that zen time for me and of course he liked snuggly warm yarn as well. I still have the crochet, but I don’t have him. I think that is why I end up putting the project away after such a short time now. Especially the holiday ones, as they were of course started when he was still here, still testing them out giving them his approval.

I am sure it will get easier as time passes, but for now it doesn’t feel like it. The world will turn and life goes on, but in the darkness of the night or the quiet moments of the light I stand still because I miss him so much.

Well I am a day late posting but I am going to still put the right date on it. After all I should have posted this yesterday. I planned to as well just never ended up hitting send lol. Yesterday was way to busy and today has not been much better. I have a never ending to do list all the time it seems, but most of it is rewarding in the end. I shouldn’t complain to much. I do still want to kick the USPS in the shins though. Anyways the theme of yesterday wa a cute one from Frozen. It helped put me in a better mood while I was extra stressed out, and how do you like the new theme?

This weeks Saturday Sanctuary is sticking a toe in the naughty pond again if you are feeling like that any rate. A new theme is on the way and I hope you will all like it too. This weeks inspirational photo can be enlarged if you want to see it in full lovely HD pixels.

If you need me I will be working through my to do list in an emo fashion today. Garfield is right about Mondays.

It is Saturday once more and time to find inspiration to write. It has been a difficult week in that respect for me. I have barely even done creative work that must be done. I suppose we all have these times, eh? I can admit my mood has been melancholy but I hope for it to improve soon. They say time heals all wounds of course, but sometimes the scar still reminds us of the pain endured to get it.

Oft, in the stilly night,
  Ere slumber’s chain has bound me,
Fond Memory brings the light
  Of other days around me:
    The smiles, the tears
    Of boyhood’s years,
  The words of love then spoken;
    The eyes that shone,
    Now dimm’d and gone,
  The cheerful hearts now broken!
Thus, in the stilly night,
  Ere slumber’s chain has bound me,
Sad Memory brings the light
  Of other days around me.

When I remember all
  The friends, so link’d together,
I’ve seen around me fall
  Like leaves in wintry weather,
    I feel like one
    Who treads alone
  Some banquet-hall deserted,
    Whose lights are fled,
    Whose garlands dead,
  And all but he departed!
Thus, in the stilly night,
  Ere slumber’s chain has bound me.
Sad Memory brings the light
  Of other days around me.

I have not watched a Knights Tale in sometime it was a regular rotational watch with my dear friend Vere. I have tried of course many times to watch it in the last year and a half, but I always put it back on the shelf because it feels wrong. I miss my friend. Why then as I haven’t watched the film in so long did the love letter from the movie come to mind you may ask?

Simple,  I miss my dear Cubby and of course sweet Pasha as well. I miss Pasha just as much truly I do but the hole where Cubby was often seems more tender at times. I suspect it is because as cuddly and loving as Pasha was and he was indeed always there when I needed him, he was also fairly independent. He would go and cuddle with others in the family as well, just in general he seemed to keep his own bit of a schedule. Cubby was forever and always by my side. On the occasion he could not come with me on errands or journey’s he would curl up upon my bed and wait. I had to face time him sometimes on longer trips just to keep him from getting to upset and worried.

So I always would find myself reaching to pet him as I always at various times throughout the day it was just a habit I picked up over our long years together. I did this again today and of course he was not there. That is when I found myself softly saying “I miss you like the sun misses the flower. Like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. Instead of beauty to direct its light to the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has banished me to.”, as Wat did during the scene where they are writing the letter with William. So many heart strings tugged and never a truer comment has ever been said. It is also true for Heath and Prince… those who inspired as well as tagged along as life trundled along.

It is okay to miss those who are gone, it is okay to allow the pain to stop in your tracks here and there. It is not okay to let it completely consume you so that you stop. The world will keep turning no matter what. I have to remind myself in these moments.

Dear Jocelyn,
It is strange to think,I have not seen you in a month.

I have seen the new moon,but not you.

I have seen sunsets and sunrises,but nothing of your beautiful face.

The pieces of my broken heart can pass through the eye of a needle.

I miss you like the sun misses the flower.Like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter.

Instead of beauty to direct its light to,the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has sent me to.

I next compete in Paris.I’ll find it empty and cold if you’re not there.

Hope guides me.It gets me through the day and especially the night.The hope that after you leave my sight it will not be the last time I look upon you.

With all the love that I possess…I remain yours…

The knight of your heart.

William.

Anyone who was on this blog a few years past will know I had a mail counter and one year even sent nearly 1,200 bits of snail mail. While I have not been sending that much mail lately I have still been sending likely more then the average person does these days. Letter writing, using old school instruments like fountain pens and bottled ink have long been a passion of mine. Had I been allowed to have a fountain pen in school I would have. Like all things however, life has an ebb and flow and I just have not had the time for letter writing as much as I wish in the last years. It isn’t only just the time if I am honest, letter writing and using my wonderful fountain pens was something my EX hated. So he made me feel bad about my passion for mail. He even sold most of my best fountain pens, I lament the lost of my vintage Mont Blanc to this day. At least I was able to keep my precious Waterman Carene which was a thoughtful gift from a friend well hidden and it is still one of my favorite pens to use.

In the last few weeks I have felt the nudge to dive back into my passion for hand writing long letters. I have slowly poked around my pens, cleaned them up again. Played with them a little even got a small light box to use to better my penmanship. That slow little nudge turned into a gush when I wrote 10 page letter to one of my long term pals who I have been writing even during the “drought” as I shall now call it. I guess you can say the waterfall is flowing freely again over my writing love. I havent written a letter less then 5 pages and I am actively seeking out new pen pals again. I am very excited about the whole thing if I am honest. There is nervousness too I keep expecting a judgement to come down on me about it. Then I remind myself I have made a point of surrounding myself with people who support my passions even if they don’t share them. People who encourage me and don’t bring me down. We all have our moments of being down and saying something wrong of course but in general I am happy with those who don’t judge me for getting excited because an ink brand just released a new purple ink..even if I already have several purple inks. No two purple inks are the same.

Nor do they chide me for adding to my collections and passions. Sure my “me space” pretty much looks like a craft and stationery story had angry sex … (Deadpool would approve) but it kinda makes me happy. I have over 30 fountain pens again (most of them are Jinhao and similarly reasonable priced work horses but so what) I have taken my stationery out of storage, ordered new wax seals and have even been playing with making my own wax again. It is a nice feeling to just flit from passion to passion and not feel like someone is judging me for it. I have always had an active mind, I have always had interests that range across a spectrum of things. Some of my skills are more ancient and some more recent. Those who know me well know I am just as happy playing a new computer game as I am picking up a roman sword and having a round of fun old sparring. Many people have claimed me already for their team when the Zombie apocalypse comes. Whether that’s for my awesome tracking, slashing or varied other skills or because I can whip up clothing from string or bits of fabric I am not sure, but I will take it. It is nice to feel needed and appreciated even if some of your skills are seen as “odd” in a highly technological society.

I may currently be in a conceal don’t feel cave but I have with my pens, paper, ink and yarn with crochet hooks. So at least I can keep busy while I am tucked in here. There are books of course as well because well I am a book nerd too I mean if you couldn’t tell by my book blog The Purple Booker.

So now after that long winded little rant onto the point of this post. April is National Letter writing month. A whole month dedicated to writing just after the crochet one right?! I am so excited about that entire thought. Since my passion has woken up again I decided April was the perfect time to spread my wings once more and I am taking part in the festivities. There is a campaign taking place called #Write_On and all you have to do is write 30 letters in 30 days. That is my goal this month and while I may not be going gang busters I will meet the goal. Hey my first letter was like 11 pages long cut me a little slack eh? I will make the letters happen!

I have also started taking part in Postcrossing again. All of my post cards have been dragged out of storage and are in a place where I can easily reach them now. No excuse of well I would have to go and dig them out of this and that or the other thing. Every little bit of my stationery has been lined up nice and neat and is very easy to get at. Even if there are a little bits of yarn and such on the shelves with them. What can I say I still adore my darn crochet. So if anyone reading this wants to dive in with me for the month of writing letters sound off and leave a message or send me one. Letters are wonderful to send and wonderful to get. Seriously people really should send more mail, it seems like a lost art but we are out there. Look on instagram for a little bit and you will find a great many beautiful letters being written. You will see them being mailed in so many envelopes, handmade, decorated, plain it doesnt matter to me they are all beautiful. The act of sitting down and writing a letter is something deeper then sending an email, you spend more time and more thought often times. Moreover for me every single letter I write reminds me of my Great Grandmother and that is never a bad thing, it is a way she can always stay with me and close and alive in my heart.

Alright, here we go into another week. I am feeling more like Garfield with each Monday that comes along, but I still try to face it ready to go. Armor on … and a little music to kick the week off with. I have only managed to crochet for about 2 hours in the last two weeks. That might not seem like a big deal to some, but for me it is a major thing. Crochet is my Zen place, but there is SO much admin work I have been working on elsewhere. I have wanted to to pass some of the Admin work off to someone else who said they really wanted to help with it, but that has not been a possibility unfortunately. I digress, this is Musical Monday not Mull it out Monday, so without any more gilding of the lily… an oldie but a goodie.