Born in the Tundra of Minnesota, I have since become a bit of a Gypsy. Currently calling home base the hot sands of Arizona, I do still travel often. Whether the journey is a physical one, or one taken by reading a fantastic book it doesn't matter, the fun is always in the adventure. As always I am an eclectic person that likes a wide array of things and has many passions. Creating, advocating for animals and Mothering just to name a few.


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The Purple Booker







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May
10
Posted by

I have really been such a bad blogger already this year. Pretty much every goal I set out at the start of the year has fallen away but that is what happens when you are dealing with life right? Be it hectic work schedule, the need to be creative away from the computer or anxiety attacking you from all sides what can you do?

The first thing I am doing is forgiving myself and allowing myself some leeway. I tend to be very hard on myself especially when it comes to goals that I miss. I am trying to get better about that because while I may fail at some goals, I am soaring at other things. Yes I may not be blogging as much or reading as much, but I am crocheting up a storm and writing in other places. Being a Mummy and all of that.

I have to accept as much as I would like there to be more time in the day there is only 24 hours and I must find a place to sleep somewhere in everything I am doing. Right?

So I am trying to be gentle with myself and accept that I just can’t do everything even if I want to. May seem like a simple concept but when you have general and social anxiety it is not as simple as it seems.

And I hate having anxiety. I am however endeavoring to be kinder to myself. That is one goal I have no intention of leaving by the wayside.

I am also working hard on taking back things that my long emotionally abusive marriage took away from me.

Emotional abuse is something that is harder to see then physical abuse. It is something that is more subtle and there are many who still think it is not a form of abuse at all. Or that those who fall into that trap are weak.

Victims of any form of abuse are not weak. I know I have always been a strong and independent person and it still happened to me. I think one of the big reasons emotional abuse is so misunderstood is because people do not know what to look for as a sign of it and while this list is certainly not one size fits all the following 30 things are pretty good indicators of emotional abuse. Especially when you see more then one of them happening. If you or someone you know is dealing with this do not be afraid to seek help. Don’t be ashamed it is not your fault someone is doing this to you, but you can break away. You can do it. You can heal and take your life back. It is possible.

1. They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front of other people.

2. They regularly demean or disregard your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs.

3. They use sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.

4. They accuse you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks.

5. They try to control you and treat you like a child.

6. They correct or chastise you for your behavior.

7. You feel like you need permission to make decisions or go out somewhere.

8. They try to control the finances and how you spend money.

9. They belittle and trivialize you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams.

10. They try to make you feel as though they are always right, and you are wrong.

11. They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language.

12. They regularly point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings.

13. They accuse or blame you of things you know aren’t true.

14. They have an inability to laugh at themselves and can’t tolerate others laughing at them.

15. They are intolerant of any seeming lack of respect.

17. The repeatedly cross your boundaries and ignore your requests.

18. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.

19. They call you names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath.

20. They are emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time.

21. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want.

22. They don’t show you empathy or compassion.

23. They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility.

24. They disengage or use neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you.

25. They don’t seem to notice or care about your feelings.

26. They view you as an extension of themselves rather than as an individual.

27. They withhold sex as a way to manipulate and control.

28. They share personal information about you with others.

29. They invalidate or deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted.

30. They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.

16. They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame others, and have difficulty apologizing.

17. The repeatedly cross your boundaries and ignore your requests.

18. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.

19. They call you names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath.

20. They are emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time.

21. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want.

22. They don’t show you empathy or compassion.

23. They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility.

24. They disengage or use neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you.

25. They don’t seem to notice or care about your feelings.

26. They view you as an extension of themselves rather than as an individual.

27. They withhold sex as a way to manipulate and control.

28. They share personal information about you with others.

29. They invalidate or deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted.

30. They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.

I think some of those who are emotionally abusive do not see what they are doing, they perhaps have a great deal of their own issues which have never been dealt with in a healthy way and so they act out in this way. While others like my ex know exactly what they are doing, have done it more then once and will likely do it again.

I mean the man was married twice before me (yup I was number 3), cheated on all three but always blamed the woman for his cheating or for why things didn’t work out. Only common factor was him. Wife number 4 is not likely to fair any better, after all if they are willing to cheat with you they will cheat on you. Had I known about the cheating on the first two wives before me I never would have gone past the first few dates because that was already a well established pattern of behavior on his end. Hindsight is 20/20 right?

My life is better now without him. While I may have my issues I have a lot to be happy for and I am. I just have to keep reminding myself that when a goal passes me by, to be kind to myself. It happens. Then take a moment to look not at what didn’t get done but everything else that has been accomplished. Life & blogging are important to me meaning my Life is important to me and my blogging is important to me. So are many other things. I can find a way to make it all work hand in hand.

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