It is no secret to those who are close to me that since Dutchy passed away, I am a large open wound. I am not sure I will ever be able to move through it or if I am just going to end up feeling like this open raw wound for the rest of my life. All of the deaths that have happened in my life, human and pet alike have hurt. I know it sounds like I am playing kind of favorites, but that isn’t it. Dutchy was my familiar and more than that it felt like she was a part of me, she was a part of me. 17 years is a long time together and she was the rescue that came into my life as the first animal I had since my dog Scamper had passed away. She was with me through so many major life events that it would be impossible to name them all. When I was crying, she was there, when I was happy she was there. Dutchy was just always there. And now she isn’t and I am having an impossibly hard time with it. But I didn’t start typing this post to go on about that again, although it does have relevance to the main subject. You have to allow people to work through things. Whether it is because they are grieving or trying to wrap their minds around some kind of incident that has happened to them.
We are all human and we all do things and life is life and sometimes shit happens. That’s okay because that is how life works right? I mean you show me one person who has gone through life perfectly and I will eat the laptop I am typing on. Things happen. Here is the thing I feel about it, things will always happen can’t stop it, but it is how we DEAL with those things that matters. I really think you can tell a lot about someone by seeing how they handle situations as they crop up.
There isn’t a black and white, right and wrong way to handle things, we are all different and have to process differently. The one thing to me that comes across as a non negotiable, however is that you have got to try and let others process in their way. I know I am not perfect in that myself, but I always try my level best at it and I am continuing to work and improve at that myself. As of late though I find that I end up being a little less tolerant about it, not because I want to but because a lot of people in my life aren’t allowing ME to process things the way I need to. I know that sounds a bit childish and it is NOT how I expected things to go and I am working on it still but man oh man its just why can’t I process things too?
Lately anytime something crops up that I want to talk about or work through I am told to drop it. I am told that people don’t want to dwell, or let it drag down the whole day or whatever. I am by no means a person who wants to drag down an entire day over an issue, but really? Talking about things, talking through them that is a way for me to process and deal. I talk about things, muddle through them and then I work on letting them go. That is how I work when it comes to processing and healing. Sadly, I am not being allowed to anywhere I turn. I am hit with drop it, I don’t want to talk about it, get over it already and a myriad of other comments that amount to, NOPE.
Two very important people in my life have ripped me to shreds over recent times. They have said sorry sure, but I am still not being allowed to actually work through the problems. Sorry is a good place to start, but if you don’t allow people to work through it and sometimes that means working through it WITH you and TALKING about things that might not be super comfortable are you really all that sorry?
Sorry is a word and it can be a great jumping off point, but it is not a magic bullet. It doesn’t just fix everything. You HAVE to allow people to work through things. If you don’t, it’s just going to end up being a wound that doesn’t heal and it will likely fester and then where will you be?
If you love someone, let them work through it. Let them process, be there for them. Don’t tell them you just want to drop it if the issue is something that is important to them. You never know how much damage something like that will cause.
