As always I started this year with that same hopeful outlook that we all get when the new year comes. I was full of determination to keep all my glass balls in the air and everything else. Yet here we are coming up to the end of June and I feel as if I have allowed many of my glass balls to go flying and shattering to the ground. Especially when it comes to blogging. I have been working on one blog post for over a month *laughs* of course there have been some very good reasons as to why I have not gotten that done yet and why some of my glass balls keep shattering.
I have to admit that I simply can’t do everything.
My weekly planner fell apart within weeks of buying my 2017 one and I have not yet gotten around to making the homemade one I wanted to do. There just are not enough hours in the day and I simply don’t have enough energy to do everything I want.
It is very hard to admit that I can’t do it all but here I am admitting it.
I simply can’t do it all. I am doing the best I can and while I am disappointing in some things I am very proud of myself in others. My work continues to grow in so many ways, I am writing pen pals again and taking joy in that among some other things. I am proud of those things and I am trying to remind myself that it’s okay not to do everything perfect. I tell this to my friends and loved ones all the time but of course I tend to hold myself to a higher standard. I am working on that though because recently I have seen some of my loved ones holding me to my own impossible standard. That is a little bit exhausting.
Like everyone else I am a human too. I have my bad days, I have days where I hate myself. I have days where I am very sick and would just like to whine about being sick, eat some ice cream and watch some girly stuff with a girl friend.
I don’t get to do that very often. Honestly I am trying to recall the last time that I did that. I am trying to recall the last time I had a day to be sick where I wasn’t also thrown into the middle of some kind of hell storm.
I love my family. I love them with all of my heart and I would do anything for any one of them. Sometimes I don’t always like them though. Sometimes I want to ring necks and tell people to stop being stupid or selfish or a myriad of other things. What would that fix though? I would end up feeling guilty about it because even if in the moment it was true, it is hurtful. I do my best to not hurt the people I love where I can. Moreover, what is the point of allowing a temporary feeling go on to perhaps have a profound effect on the rest of your life and relationship? Not worth it. Not worth it at all. That isn’t to say I don’t slip up sometimes, I do.
Thankfully and knock on wood 2017 has not taken another beloved fur baby from me. I am however deeply worried that I am about to lose one if not two loved ones. I really hope that feeling creeping over my skin is wrong. I have done everything within my power to ensure I will be wrong, but after the last week I just don’t know. Even more recent events have me even more worried about it. I know that is vague but it’s all I feel comfortable popping out to the public at the moment.
Provided I can sort out the drama currently going on around me, beat the nasty flu which has me fighting high temps off and on and my nagging feeling is indeed wrong… I plan to get regular on the blogging again.
I am as always trying to find that careful balance between work, hobby and passion.
It doesn’t always work out well but hey I can keep trying right?
**Pardon any typos and the like I did not proof read before going ahead and hitting publish. I REALLY need an assistant or something…seriously.
