Born in the Tundra of Minnesota, I have since become a bit of a Gypsy. Currently calling home base the hot sands of Arizona, I do still travel often. Whether the journey is a physical one, or one taken by reading a fantastic book it doesn't matter, the fun is always in the adventure. As always I am an eclectic person that likes a wide array of things and has many passions. Creating, advocating for animals and Mothering just to name a few.


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Mar
31
Posted by

People claim they are trying to be supportive and there for me yet they get all butt hurt when I answer in an honest yet slightly guarded way. Like seriously? Leave me here with my damn comfort food and I will just eat my feelings away thank you. I don’t need any wishy washy support, I need real no strings attached I am here for you even at your worst support. I am sure some reading this will think this is aimed at one particular person but it’s not. It is a clear and honest shot across the bow of all of those in my life who say they are there for me and love me and are my friends and are trying to be supportive and then they snap at me because I don’t meet their expectation of what I should be saying. There is more then one of you and you all know damn well who you are. For the record I can’t help but wonder if those who continue to do this sort of thing ever stop to think perhaps it is the fact that any time an honest less then sunshiny answer is given there is a price for me to pay and I am tired of paying it. So sometimes it is just easier to say, I’ll live which is an alternative and more honest answer then I am fine when obviously I am not.

Over the last two years I have been making a serious work of trying to take back things that were taken from me. Two years before that I started making pushes and efforts to embrace other things. I won’t go in full detail here but for me to accept things and take back things about me has been a long and hard process. Like it is for anyone who goes through it I am sure. For the most part I have made strides towards my goals I feel, and yet I have a long way to go. Sometimes it would be a great deal easier to just be “normal”,  there are so many days that I think if I could just fall into a role that society would see as normal and live in that small box it would be so much easier.

Not that it would make me any happier, of course. Being something you’re not only sets you up for more pain in the end of things. Yet much like the Queen, whom one of my dear cousins has decided to call my alter ego, I was taught what seems like eons ago to conceal. Yes, perhaps it was not the exact same way that Elsa learned and was told to conceal herself. Leading to never ending anxiety.. which of course manifests itself into freezing an entire land in eternal winter. Yet the effect is the same. Once again, I find myself feeling like I said in an early post on this blog. I must always be the strong one, the independent one, the perfect one.

 

 

I do have many blessings in my life and I will be the first one to tell anyone that. I am blessed in so many ways. I have love, a roof over my head, food in my belly and clothing to wear. I can even indulge in some hobbies and pastimes when I have actual time to do so and am not working. I know there are so many people who do not have all of these things. There are people in this world who are suffering. I understand that and I try not to be petty. However, because I have these things, does that mean my life is perfect? No, it doesn’t. No life is perfect as no human is perfect. Moreover, the grass is always greener on the other side of the pasture. Just because all some see are the lush green blades of grass doesn’t mean there are not weeds, trouble spots and other unpleasant things to be had.

 

The beauty of the castle that was created through Queen Elsa’s castle cannot be denied. Many who look at it will only see the beauty and the fact that it is a castle. They will forget that while indeed it is these things it was a fortress from the world. An ice gilded cage in which the Queen could hide herself away from the world. The only way she felt comfortable being whom she truly was meant being completely separate from the world, from everyone even the sister whom she loved. Because she had been taught that to be herself around people was a terrible thing. Being herself meant that she harmed her sister. Being herself meant that those around her who saw the beautiful power she wielded would be scared of her. They would fear that power she was born with, lash out at her because of it. Some small few might covet the power for themselves and trap her even further so they could have her kingdom. Fear and jealousy are nasty things that seem to travel together in a pack finding every weak point in the prey they seek and hitting those weak points as hard as possible. Even the strongest among us will eventually buckle under the strain.

 

 

At any rate. I digress and have gone on another long ramble of emotional vomit, apologies to all and sundry who take the time to read it. I really should go back to just putting the happy things of life on the internet. This post when I originally opened the page was intended to make an announcement that I was thinking of bringing my pen/paper/ink reviews back in some form or fashion as J said he missed them. I didn’t think anyone really paid much mind to them back when I used to do them. The last one I did was in 2017, good grief a lifetime ago (and omg the blog design I had on that blog…designed myself so not razzing any designers oh what was I thinking). Alas, things happened as I settled in to write the blog post and this is what we are left with.

I apologize to the readers of this post. Perhaps the announcement will come on a different and a better day.

I am fine.

 

 

 

 


May
30
Posted by

I know there have been a lot of advertising posts in the last few days. And if that irritates some of you I do apologize, but let me tell you why it’s been picking up. As my lovely blog has gotten more traffic, and more page rank I have also had more bandwidth use, and more fees. I don’t mind any of these fees and I am HAPPY that my blog is getting success.

That being said, having cancer myself, and not being able to have the usual 9-5 job I am used to affects the cash flow. So our advertising posts are the sponsors to keep the site going. They also help for me to be able to offer giveaways when I can. Some will be hattchette and they cover those of course, but others are my own personal book collection.

So in short, if you don’t like the advertising posts I totally understand. And you can just skip right over them. They are always marked advertising. I will never fool you on that. And for the most part I try to pick sponsors that I can relate with. It does not always happen but I do try.


May
27
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May
21
Posted by

What do you do about stress? I am curious to hear from any of my readers about what you do about stress levels. I have been fairly stressed out lately myself. The economy, being sick, financials you know its all stuff that you worry about. I am constantly wondering what’s going to happen next. Its like I am constantly looking at where the next bit of money is going to come from since I can’t work.

We make it work, and we manage it. Slowly but we do. It is still tough. And to make matters worse our lovely governor of the state of Minnesota wants to slash more public programs. Granted we have applied, and been denied (apparently I am not sick enough, and we make too much though we barely make enough to cover rent and bills) fancy that. I don’t know. No body likes taxes but I would much rather see a slight increase there than large cuts to public programs. But I digress I have switched topics way to fast here.

Stress, how do you handle it? This is a few ways I handle the never ending pile of stress that seems to be coming.

Deep breathing

Try to find something to laugh about

Write

And Set aside some time to just do something enjoyable.

That’s what I do…how about you?


May
20
Posted by
Whew who turned up the heat here in Minnesota? The last two days it has been very very hot out. Not the biggest issue in the world really but this is the kind of heat we usually get in August. The biggest thing is the wind today; we have some super duper high winds. According to my news lady who is just on said that the wind has been so strong it’s snapping power lines. That better not happen here. I may go nuts if it does… *battens down the hatches*


May
16
Posted by

Anybody who knows me knows how much I love horses. You also know how much I enjoy the high octane sport of horse racing. Yes I know it has its issues (I will preach about that another day) but it has to be my favorite sport. And today is the second leg of the famous Triple Crown, The Preakness Stakes.

This year we have a world of firsts, and upsets at the Preakness. Mine that Bird the Kentucky Derby winner, is NOT the favorite to win. The usurper? A fantastic little filly Rachel Alexandra, who won the Kentucky Oaks by an Astonishing 20 lengths. This little filly is a winner in her races so far (4 wins, 4 places), and she does it in winning fashion. She has been dubbed Super Filly.

A filly has not won the Preakness stakes in 85 years…but I smell a winner with this girl. Not only is it an upset that she is being called the favorite. For the firs time in the races history the Derby winners jockey has abandoned his mount. Calvin Borel will not be riding Mine that Bird; instead he will sit atop Rachel Alexandra. Some may think that’s not fair, I think it’s just fine; he did after all ride her in the oaks. And when choices come to choices he picked his horse. And if you ask me, he picked the winner. Now come race day I may be eating mud Lord knows I have before. But I will always back a filly especially when she shows she can win by 20 lengths!

The Preakness is a grueling Mile and three sixteenths, but she has proven herself. She is running from the outside, but nevermind that…She has my vote. See you after the race!


Feb
23
Posted by


Have you ever had one of those days where all you seem to do is cry? I have. Yup I sure have. And today was one of those days. Not bad crying mind you. Good cries. I was actually alright; right up until I was watching the Oscars, yes it was the Oscar’s that did me in. When they announced Heath Ledger took the Oscar for the Best Supporting Actor, I burst into tears. When his family came up on stage, and accepted the award for him, I tears slipped down my cheeks. And yet, even while crying I knew it was a good cry, a cry I needed to do. Heath won, and he deserved to he really did. His performance in Dark Knight was terrifying, psychotic, and just as it should be. The Joker was not a light character not one that should be taken lightly at all. I salute him, I bless him, and even though I didn’t know him I grieve with his family. Is that odd? Maybe, but you know I know a lot of people grieved, and still grieve for John Lennon, or how about Elvis? Kurt Cobain? (Though he’s not on my top list of favs I am sure he makes others) the list really could go on I don’t doubt.

So, it was the Oscars that set it off. Than I thought, alright well lets watch a movie, I know I will watch Prince Caspian, good book, good movie, Hunk of an actor (two really but the other one is still jail bait isn’t he?). This seemed like a safe movie to watch, well I cried anyways, several times actually. I cried when Caspian gets away, I cried when he finds out his father died, and I most certainly cried when Susan gives him a kiss at the end. Even if it wasn’t supposed to happen. Well fudge, I failed miserably at not crying again. Well since I was on a Narnia kick might as well play switch around, and so I watched the first one too!

This would prove to be a bad idea for the crying of course. First, before the crying I had to gasp and remind myself how young the afore mentioned ponder of jail bait was. VERY young (not that I am Ancient or anything). I made it right up until the part where Lucy finds her dear faun friend gone, than I cried. And I should suspect I just lost count after a while, Edmund leaving, beaver getting hurt, the river scene, Aslan dieing. The list goes on. Dang movies. But, even though I cried all that time I don’t feel bad. I don’t feel depressed or miserable, or any of those things. Sometimes, it really is alright to cry.


 

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